Stream of ConsciousnessPosted: July 19, 2013
- I have realized that I prefer older men to younger guys. Older men know who they are–they are established and have it together. They also know how to treat a woman. I find that young guys are irresponsible and think they’re hot shit. They don’t make as much of an effort to get to know me or make me feel comfortable–they think just because they’re young and attractive, I will just fall all over myself and hop into bed with them. I may not want a relationship, but I also want to actually be able to talk and laugh with the person I’m with.
- Attached men vs. single men–I prefer attached. There is less of a chance of them getting too emotionally invested and wanting me to change my life and be with them. I am in an open marriage, but I am still married. I get wanting companionship and love, but I am not the girl for that.
- That said, I wonder if I am using sex to fill a void in my life. Intense physical pleasure is the ultimate drug–when I orgasm I lose the ability to think. Am I trying to compensate for the fact that I am not satisfied with my life?
- Strangely, I feel zero guilt about having sex with another man or woman. Sex is just sex–two bodies making each other feel incredible. What I feel guilty about, is spending the night in another man’s arms. It is somehow more intimate. Their body feels foreign curled around me. My husband is the only man I should be waking up next to.
- I am meeting with a Dom today. If all goes well, I will become his sub. I am scared and excited. When did I become one of those girls? One of those girls who agrees to hand her panties to a man under the table to let him know if she wants to move forward?
These are my thoughts this morning. Off to meet Mr. Dominant.