I met D.F. today. I don’t think I’m going to recount the details, because frankly, I just did not get off on it that much. By that I don’t mean that I didn’t come–I did, a lot.

What I mean is, it didn’t do the thing it usually does, which is get me so high I basically escape consciousness. I was thinking. I did not want to be present–that is why I do this. But it didn’t shut off my brain.

Maybe I knew it would be this way today. Maybe that is why, after him fingering me on the drive over for a good twenty minutes, I squeezed my legs shut. When he told me to spread them, I said “No.”

He pried my legs open, and shoved his fingers deep inside me, making me moan.

“Say ‘Thank you, Sir,” he commanded.

“No,” I said again.

“Am I going to have to punish you?” he asked. “Is that what you’re after?”

“No,” I said again, but this time, “No” meant “Yes.” I think I knew I needed something extreme. I wanted to be punished. I have been told that for a submissive, S&M helps manage “the burn.” It’s hard to crave your next encounter when your pussy’s still swollen and your ass is covered in welts.Β Β I wanted him to hurt me.

But he didn’t. We fucked in our usual manner, and instead of whipping me, Β he forced me to get on top. He knows I hate that. I am self-conscious about my body, and despite being an exhibitionist when it comes to some things, I just don’t like being on top like that. I feel like I’m on display, and not in a good way. I’m sure my extraordinarily lame attempt at topping from the bottom was recognized by him, and that he was trying to teach me that I cannot manipulate him into giving me what I want.

When he came on my chest, I had another orgasm, just from the erotic nature of being covered with hot cum.

But, the entire time we were screwing, I just had this sense that. . .I didn’t want to be there.

I wanted to be home watching TV with my husband. I wanted to draw the blinds and join my daughter in our bed for her afternoon nap. I had the strongest desire to devour a plate of hot-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies. I wanted to be comforted.

I do not know what is up with me. Maybe I am just tired–I’ve had a lot of early mornings lately. Maybe I am getting my period. Maybe, despite being horny, I wasn’t really in the mood. Or maybe, I’m done with distractions, and I want something real.

I’m not going to say that I am finished feeding my sexual hunger with meaningless hook-ups. Obviously, you’ve heard that one before. I am just going to say, that for the moment, I am enjoying yoga pants, hot apple cider, and the laughter of my children–real comfort.

P.S., He is my *Dominant now. Think whatever you want about that one.


*Edited to replace the word “Master” with “Dominant.”

16 Comments on “Comfort”

  1. mala says:

    He’s your Master now? Does he know you’re married? And if he’s your Master, is this the end of sex with other men…?? I’m confused…!

    • Maybe I misused that word–should I have said “dominant”? Yes he knows I’m married and we are non-exclusive unless he decides otherwise.

      • mala says:

        Oh hmm… to me that would mean you’ve been collared…otherwise it is just sex with “a” dominant, IMHO… I dunno.. sounds a bit strange to me, maybe you should discuss that with him, do you have a contract??? Does this guy know what it means to be someone’s Master???

      • My previous Dom, “Daddy”, used the words Master and Dom interchangeably.He knew I was married, and he was married, but he still talked about collaring me. He collared his previous submissive, who he had for 6 years, and I’m pretty sure they were non-exclusive (which they’d had to have been, because he was married).

        I’m sure you know more about this than I do; I’m very new. I just threw out the first word that popped into my head.

      • mala says:

        I was more curious as to him… whether he was playing at someone, or knows what he is doing. πŸ˜‰ A lot of people have different ideas about different aspects; I’m no expert. That said, for me, a Master and Dom are not the same thing, as one has a slave and one has a sub.

        But that is just semantics for some people…

        So it’s a poly thing, I guess? Some people who are married and have a Master or slave as well, still seem to be exclusive in that sense… but lots of people are poly…

        Anyway, I was just asking because you already have a lot on your plate.. be careful. hugs.

      • He has had a couple submissives in the past, yes. And yes, we both consider ourselves poly.

      • mala says:

        Ah, I didn\t know that… actually, I thought you were just looking for random sex… Im surprised you’re making a commitment of any kind… you are unusually unpredictable πŸ˜‰

      • LOL! I was actually seeing “Daddy” for a few months there. . .I wasn’t collared. I was allowed to sleep with others, but only if he gave me permission ahead of time. Or sometimes he would just order me to fuck someone else. But I didn’t write about him much, which is probably why you were under the impression that we weren’t really together, and honestly, I don’t feel like my heart was ever in it with him.

      • mala says:

        Your life is a soap opera πŸ˜‰

      • Ha ha. Oh, Mala. MY life is a soap opera?

      • mala says:


  2. phoenixasubbie says:

    I dated a Master, who was my dominant. He prefers slaves. He has many, many years of experience. I was never his slave.
    While I viewed him and still do, as a Master…. I never called him my Master for the reason Mala said.

    But you’ll find many different flavors and opinions on that subject or any other in this world.

    But I agree with her last comment- Be careful.


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