Paranoia, Paranoia

What if I die? What if I get AIDS and die? What if I leave my kids without a mother? What if I give it to my husband and leave my kids with no parents, period? What if I have to explain to all my friends and family that yes, I’ve been fucking around, and now I am going to die?

Can I continue to succumb to this addiction and still live? Can I have sex this way and not contract a disease or end up getting beaten and left in a gutter somewhere?

Is this worth my life? Because addictions are deadly and mine could kill me.

17 Comments on “Paranoia, Paranoia”

  1. phoenixasubbie says:

    If you are scared, please go get tested. There is only one way to know. Putting yourself through even more of an emotional wringer isn’t helping you or anyone….
    Only you can answer is this worth your life? We can only tell you that you are valuable and loved, and have support no matter what.

    I’m rooting for you. XXX

  2. chinaskie says:

    Probability is not in our favor, I’m sorry to report. It doesn’t have to continue though, and you’re not alone if/when you decide you’ve had enough of testing the limits…

  3. BigD says:

    It’s already killing you…so interesting to see it unfold.

  4. Look, she’s got enough going on without you making unnecessary drama. Knock it off.

    I am sorry you are scared. Really, the odds of you dying in a car accident on the way to the grocery store are far greater than your chance of dying of HIV. Deep breaths. Don’t worry about something you do not know to be true, and that you cannot do anything about right now.

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