Threesomes: The Bargaining Chip

Yesterday, for not the first time, after telling a man I would not be seeing him anymore, a threesome was used as a bargaining chip. I find this to be both hilarious and pathetic.

The first time it happened, was after I broke it off with Mr. I.T. He tried all kinds of things to try to persuade me to continue seeing him, and then finally threw out the threesome card. He had started talking to a woman online who was interested in a threesome with us, and thought that this would convince me to give it another try. Um, no.

Last night I told The Big Mistake that I would not be seeing him anymore. It had been a terrible idea from the start, and it needed to end. After weeks of putting him off with excuses and hoping he’d get the hint, I finally told him that it was over. He tried the “I just want to have you one more time,” and a bunch of other similarly overused lines, and then came out with “But I just found a girl who was into having a threesome!”

I get it. I really do. For men, a threesome is one of the most common fantasies there is. Finding a bisexual woman who is willing to do this is like hitting the jackpot. This is probably why so many of the men I meet start obsessing over making it happen, and frantically searching for a third. However, I find this attitude to be pretty immature and a huge turn-off. I like threesomes. I am into men and women, so it can be fun to be with both at once. But it’s not necessarily the kind of thing I want to search for. I like it when it happens spontaneously, because the chemistry happens to be right between three people. I like it when I’ve had the chance to get to know a couple, flirt a bit, and if it leads there, great. I do not like it when I am sleeping with a man, and he suggests we put up a profile as a couple on a sex site to see if we can find a woman. I do not like it when I am sleeping with a man and he asks if I have any friends who would be interested, and then refuses to accept my answer when I say that none of my friends who would be into it are local. I do not like it when I make plans with a man and he orders me to find a woman, saying he will even pay. WTF? I’m strapped for cash too, if you’re paying her, you’re paying me! Just kidding (but not really).

All this to say, I get it. I get that finding a kinky bisexual girl  is a big deal and the closest they’ve ever been to their threesome fantasy. But I am that bisexual girl. We are in high demand for this purpose, so I can have a threesome whenever I want. The fact that you are desperate to have one is not a bargaining chip, is a little insulting, and frankly makes me wonder if you were ever that into me or if you just want to be with two women at once. Especially when you are willing to hire a prostitute to make that happen!

It is not going to lure me back. I am not desperate to have a threesome. Let it go.


6 Comments on “Threesomes: The Bargaining Chip”

  1. LMAO….awesome. I would have never thought to try that as a way of getting someone to not break up with me. I love men, we are so simpleminded sometimes. Regardless, clearly the right decision on your part.

  2. sarecover says:

    I needed a smile this morning. Thanks.

  3. xtal says:

    Haha nail on the head. Awesome summation of the silly , egocentric and most vapid side of a shallow man.
    PS: ha ha you funny a$$ dumb guys. Losers.


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