Conversations with SirPosted: January 3, 2014
Sir and I had a lovely reunion today. We fucked each other silly, cuddled, took a shower, and then I helped him cook. In the kitchen, while I chopped veggies and he chastised me for my improper usage of different knives then showed me how to do it right, we had a long chat. It actually felt like more of a Q&A, in which I grilled him, hoping to figure out exactly what is going on between us. It was a drawn out conversation, but I’ll condense my questions and his answers. Maybe having them in type will help me make sense of what we discussed, because despite hours of conversation, I am still not completely clear on where we stand.
Question: What are you looking for in a partner?
Answer: Someone who is younger, has no kids or no kids under the age of 10, isn’t a party girl (he likes to go out and have a good time but he doesn’t drink or do drugs), and is reasonably fit.*
Question: What about in terms of personality?
Answer: A perfect lady, and a total slut. . .exactly like you.
Question: How would you classify our relationship?
Answer: We are having an affair. (Ouch.) Does it bother you that I said that?
Question: So, you have said you are looking for a life partner, but you are not monogamous, and yet you don’t believe in fucking around…?
Answer: I believe in fucking around as long as it is not behind the person’s back. So with us, if I met someone, I would tell her that I am non-traditional and that I have another girl, and would ask if she’d like to meet you.
Question: What does that mean, “I’m your girl”?
Answer: We are together, but you can’t be my partner because you’re married.
Question: How do you think another woman is going to react to knowing there is already someone in your life who you want to keep?
Answer: Not well.**
Question: So then maybe the two of you would swing?
Answer: Nope. I’m not a swinger.
Question: Am I your submissive? (We had got onto the subject of collaring and how he views it the same as a wedding ring. Therefore, for someone to truly be someone else’s submissive, they would also have to be partners, in his view).
Answer: Sort of. We would be under the category of It’s Complicated.
Question: So what does that mean?
Answer: It means that you are married, so you can never truly be mine. I am also afraid to completely dominate you because of The Incident. I have to have total confidence in my ability to do what I want to you without crossing any lines, and I don’t have that confidence. And honestly, people have gone to jail for taking it too far with a submissive. Every time I am about to dominate you it scares me and I pull back.
Question: Do you think that maybe I’m a little crazy?
Answer: No. You are one of the most sensible girls I’ve met.
Question: Then why do you feel like, if I have given you carte blanche to do what you want to me outside of my hard limits, I would turn around and call the cops? Do you not think I know what I want?
Answer: It’s not about what you want. It’s not about you at all. It’s about trusting myself and knowing I am not going to go too far again. I can’t seem to get past that fear.
Question: You know what they say about facing your fears?
Answer: I just need to get over it. And you need to piss me off, you never do anything wrong.
At this point I picked up a slice of rutabaga and threw it on the floor. He laughed and hugged me and told me it was going to take more than that. Then he promised we would get past it.
So. . .shall I go brat? I really need a spanking!
P.S. For those of you who were concerned about the fact that I wasn’t mentioned on his FetLife profile, he told me today that I am now listed under his relationships–without me even bringing it up or having to ask. Yay.
*He added that none of these are deal breakers if he is in love, but this is what he is looking for.
**I wanted to ask what he would do if he found someone he thought he could make it work with but who wasn’t okay with me being in his life, but I’m not sure I want to know the answer. Regardless, he says he is not monogamous and will not be, so I guess any woman he is with would have to share him one way or another.