Yeah…the more I think about birth control, the more I feel like I just can’t. I already have mental problems and struggle with depression/suicidal thoughts. I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of fucking around with my hormones, especially because birth control has depressive symptoms as a known side-effect.

I could try an IUD, but I had one of those when I got pregnant with my daughter. So it was essentially useless.

Condoms are great except that in the moment it is hard for my addict-brain to insist.

The average wait time for a tubal ligation–my ultimate goal–is 24 weeks. 24 weeks!

Maybe I should just stay abstinent until my tubes are tied. I cannot get pregnant again. Cannot. Can’t.

Maybe I should just find a girlfriend instead.

Also, my Dom wants me to fuck his friends. Condomless. Why?

I said no. I am waiting for his reply. If he doesn’t like that, we’re done, and I am going back to the convent.

It is possible that I am a terrible judge of character–just terrible.


11 Comments on “Problems”

  1. “Fuck his friends. Condomless”… WTF? I encourage you to stay strong with the NO on that one. Wishing you the best. RoD

  2. Cinnamon says:

    Please stick to your guns about fucking his friends without a condom.
    If I may point out to you from someone with more experience in the D/s world…. a Dom is someone who operates with his submissives best interests in mind.
    This is not what I see or hear here.

    I urge you again to be careful. Sexual addiction is enough to handle…
    Messing with the wrong person in a power exchange relationship can get you very badly hurt… or worse.

    • You are absolutely right. He says he knows they are clean because one of them is a nurse and insists they all get tested on the regular, but I don’t care. He says as long as I am on B.C. it should be fine, but I, um, don’t care?

      I’m not. Won’t. Can’t.

  3. chinaskie says:

    Agreeing with the comments for sure.

    I love when nearly perfect strangers say “oh trust me, it’s safe.” They have ZERO reason to be truthful. Zero. They’re trying to get “theirs”, without regard for anything else. Why should we give them that with nothing to show for it but harm and/or death? We don’t have to out ourselves in that position. We’re better than that. We deserve better. Just sayin’…

  4. Gotta be a voice in the chorus here. Playtime is fun and all, but c’mon. Getting tested regularly is totally delineated by frequently playing with strangers.

  5. Thanks for chiming in, everyone.

    To clarify, he didn’t specifically ask me to fuck them bareback. He asked if I wanted to go to any swingers parties with him and said I needed to be on birth control because they generally don’t use condoms. Not much better, but a slight distinction. Anyway, I said I wasn’t going to be doing that, and he said that I don’t have to go, or we can just make sure we let everyone know they need to use a condom with me. 

    Still…not quite sure about all this. I feel like it is impossible to know what anyone is doing when I’m not there. As in, I could use a condom with him but my risk is still increased if he’s having unprotected sex with everyone else.

    I suppose this would be one of those benefits of monogamy, huh?

  6. plantpage says:

    May I want to reconsider this one. Seems a tad pushy so early on.

  7. sebhai says:

    What about contraceptive implants do they work?

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