Ramblings–we make our own happinessPosted: June 8, 2014
- I’m buying noise-cancelling head phones. I can’t take any more of The Husband’s complaining. I know life sucks, but he refuses to do anything to make it better. He won’t join any groups to make new friends, he won’t join a gym so he can get out of the house and stick the kids in the gym baby-sitting during the day, he won’t get a day job because he doesn’t want to pay for day care so he works at 2:30 AM and then takes cares of the kids when I leave for work at noon. I have tried everything possible to help him be happier but he just WON’T. If there’s anything I have learned its that we are in charge of our own happiness. And mine depends on me not having to listen to him grumble all day, so….noise cancelling headphones it is.
- I am so horny that I just can’t. I haven’t seen Daddy in a week. First I was violently ill, and now his girlfriend is in town for the weekend. I know this is not something a good poly person would say, but I can’t wait for her to leave! I am getting hongry over here (def‘n: a combination between angry and horny. Anger caused by extreme horny-ness.) Tomorrow night can’t come soon enough! He is going to have a wild, unruly tiger on his hands.
- I’ve had a few other opportunities the past couple days but I am trying hard not to spiral. Part of me wants an alternate–especially since Daddy’s girlfriend may be moving to the city. She has interviewed for a couple jobs here and they were condo shopping (for her) this weekend, even though she hasn’t been hired yet. I probably won’t get to see as much of him with her in town, but I suppose I will cross that bridge when I come to it. At the same time I am possibly getting very close to once again juggling a harem, having sex with whoever is available just because I want it. The more my husband irritates me the more justified I feel in going out and getting a dick whenever I want it. But I can’t blame him for my spiral.
- Yesterday I had an important event at work and I really wanted my family to be there, but The Husband was too tired from waking up at 2:30AM to come with me and I couldn’t bring the kids on my own because I was technically working. It struck me how lonely I am all the time. The Husband doesn’t come to weddings with me, we don’t see plays or concerts or really even eat in restaurants. We don’t go to parties anymore, and when I have important things come up that I would like to attend with a date I have no one. I can’t help being poly. I deserve to have someone in my life who will go places and do things with me. I don’t deserve to be lonely 24/7 because I married the wrong person.
- Tonight is the kick off weekend of the Pride festival in our town. There’s tons of fun events to do, family-friendly and otherwise, but instead we are going to put the kids to bed, get drunk and watch Orange is the New Black. I swear if it were not for television and alcohol we’d have no relationship.
- It is what it is, all of it. But I have a job to attend tomorrow, a date tomorrow night, and a life to attempt to live.