Evil Thoughts (or, why I should not be allowed to date anyone, ever)Posted: June 28, 2014
Somewhere around the 10th message I received with photos of him fucking the 18 year old who is here for the weekend, I turned off my phone.
Then I did a shot of chocolate cake vodka and got out my crocheting needle and a giant ball of yarn. Because crocheting is the new smoking.
I am watching Gossip Girl and tearing up because I have a brand new bottle of wine chilling in the fridge but I can’t find our cork screw. And I’m out of shots. Though we may have whiskey…
I think the text messages are his way of including me. I think they are his way of titillating me for when I join them tomorrow afternoon and stay through Sunday morning. I think he invited me for the whole weekend but I couldn’t make it happen.
I think if he does not stop rubbing it in I will stab him in the eye with my crab fork the next time we go out for seafood.
I think I am not cut out for this.
I think I am desperate.
I think I am pissed that he tied HER up but he has yet to tie me up. I think I am pissed that she is staying over there tonight and will have had her first sleepover with him before I get to. And I think the fact that my first time spending the night with him, will include some stranger from a sex site who came into town specifically to fuck him, bugs the shit out of me.
I think I should be happy that he wants to sleep beside me and spoon and fuck me all night. I think it angers me that he is spooning and fucking HER all night, right now!
I think if my husband had not said No to me tonight when I asked him for sex, I would be less upset.
I know that, as much as it is about sex for Daddy, he is training her. She is not allowed to use his name, look him in the eye, wear clothes or speak unless spoken to. She is a submissive, period, and he is training her for the weekend, period.
That does not, however, negate the fact that I can’t do this. I don’t even have sex with my husband, so basically this is the only guy I’m sleeping with. I can’t have this. The ONLY way I can not get emotionally involved is if I have more than one fuck partner at once. So, yeah, that’s happening. Because it has to. Because I want to be with him, but I don’t want to feel like this.
Technically I am not allowed. I mean, I am allowed to “seize opportunities” with other men, but not so much with the searching them out.
I think going to a bar in a short skirt and siting by myself is an opportunity. I
I even promise I will not approach any of them first.
And as for women, I am allowed to do whatever I want. Which suits me just fine because hey, Yoga Girl (Daddy’s other lover) is poly and sounds like she’s just my type, and Daddy is poly too, so he should be all about sharing the love.
Of course, her husband will not allow her to have threesomes WITH Daddy, but she sure is allowed to play with other women all by herself.
I think we should be friends.
I’m not sure if my true intentions are coming through in any of this, because I’m a little fuzzy from the vodka and I refuse to use emoticons in my posts, but suffice it to say, I’m feeling evil.