I don’t know (Part I)–Updated

I’ve been crying on and off since 4 a.m., and I can’t breathe. I just got home after my second night in a row of no sleep. I am going to have a cup of coffee, followed by a glass of wine.

My husband wants to know what is wrong. “I don’t know,” I tell him, because I don’t know.

Daddy asked me the same thing early this morning as I sniffled as discreetly as possible and turned my face towards the wall so no one would be able to make out the tears pouring down my face ย in the fading darkness.

“Are you crying?” he whispered.

I shook my head no,ย knowing I wouldn’t be able to speak without sobbing.

“Why?” he asked.

I shook my head again. He spooned me and wiped my tears away while I steadfastly refused to turn towards him. He ran his hands up and down my body while I took deep breaths to avoid the tell-tale shaking that comes with silently crying.

Minutes later we were fucking.



I don’t even know if I will bother blogging parts II and III of this. I may in a few days when I’ve (hopefully) gained some more insight and given the issue some space, or I may not. Right now I just kinda feel like, what’s the point?

21 Comments on “I don’t know (Part I)–Updated”

  1. Cinnamon says:

    Hugs. Sweetie, you have to take care of you. Your mind and heart are telling you something.. Only you know what

  2. Mr. Gardener says:

    Ah, poor poor dear ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  3. plantpage says:

    Don’t ever feel like you’re alone. There are plenty of people who you can turn to and talk. When you’re ready to talk and get things off your chest. Don’t hold it in too long though.

  4. plantpage says:

    This is your problem. People are concerned for you and want to help and make sure you’re ok. You either blow them off or ignore them. Then you make comments on how everything is awful. Yes life isn’t perfect. But don’t turn your back to those who are there to lending a helping hand.

  5. plantpage says:

    I’m happy that you have people to talk with when you need it. That’s a great resource that some do not have the luxury. But indeed I’m quite unbiased.

  6. xtal says:

    Oh gosh….that uncontrollable crying…..
    Sad! Subspace thing, perchance? I personally would like reading parts II & III. Maybe you’ll help someone?

  7. plantpage says:

    You think so lol??

    What the hell is Canada Day about??

  8. plantpage says:

    How exciting lol? Are you Canadian??

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