Heartless (now with bridge)

I wanted to slit my wrists

the thought of life without your caress

I pictured your reaction

you’d be pissed about the mess.

You’d have to answer questions

You’d tell them I was insane

“She didn’t know the rules,” you’d say.

“She wouldn’t play the game.”

 

You are heartless

There’s nothing in your chest

that muscle beats for your dick

Your craving for handfuls of flesh

You parcel out your affections

to the victor goes the spoils

And I am collateral damage

Mister, you are cold

You are heartless

 

Drinking red wine and tears

You shake your silver head

Pretend to be confused

At the bodies of the dead

piled at your feet

“She was a toy”, you say

“You throw those away”

But I became a real girl

So I wasn’t allowed to stay

 

You are heartless

There’s nothing in your chest

that muscle beats for your dick

Your craving for handfuls of flesh

You parcel out your affections

to the victor goes the spoils

And I am collateral damage

Mister, you are cold

You are heartless

 

The lies you spin catch up to you

The pain you give follows you home

The lies you spin catch up to you

You’re going to die alone

Cause you are heartless

 


11 Comments on “Heartless (now with bridge)”

  1. Cinnamon says:

    Get it out girl, and then put him in your rearview.

    • I just don’t know why.
      Why did he do this to me?
      I was ONLY looking for a fuck buddy. That was it!
      Why drop the L-bomb? Why treat me like I mean something? Why make promises you can’t keep?
      Just….why?
      It was never what I wanted in the first place.
      Heartless.
      Fucking heartless.

      • Cinnamon says:

        You say you were only looking for a fuck buddy, and I think you want to believe that was true…but the truth is you are desperate for someone to love you.
        He is a predator. He saw your weak spot.

        And wanting to be loved is not a bad thing. We all want it.

        You just have to start by loving yourself.

        And I know… I’ve been here before.

        XX

      • I’m not saying it’s all I wanted, but it’s all I was looking for. I had a handful of casual playfriends in my old city and there were no issues. We had fun, we talked, we fucked, it meant nothing, we all knew that.

        My heart didn’t have to get involved. At all. If he’d just left it the fuck alone.

  2. chinaskie says:

    The next step to take is to practice not being “heartless” to yourself. That’s often what trips us when we try to break away. Keep talking about it. Keep reaching out. This is no easy task. But you are capable of moving forward. It’s a fact.

    • I don’t even have words that are not in the form of an angry song 🙂

      • chinaskie says:

        Whatever works, friend. Whatever works to keep you movin’

      • You know, I have been so crippled by him. I arranged my life around his schedule. Missed the chance to go to Fet Life events and just make kinky FRIENDS (I did this regularly back home and it was so nice to have that circle), missed going to poly group meetings because I wanted to be with him. Started smoking again after last weekend because I was just so stressed (and it was a form of rebellion because he forbade it).

        And now I feel like my life and my time is wide open again. I’m beyond hurt of course, but I get to cultivate me, instead of having my spirit broken by someone who is only out for himself.

      • chinaskie says:

        Go get yours. 😉

  3. plantpage says:

    Love yourself. You will be a better woman without him. Stay strong. Time does heel.


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