Learning

field

I went on a date last night.

Someone I know from Fet offered to take me to coffee and cheer me up. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere so I figured why not.

He picked me up, like a gentleman, instead of making me take the bus.

We went to a cute little tea house and then for a walk through downtown to a nice look out point.

We held hands and I thought his were scratchy.

We kissed and I felt nothing.

We had a nice talk and he seems like someone I would want to be friends with. I told him that and he said it sounded good, “unless you find a dom that suits you better.”

Sigh.

I will explain myself again today, and if he still wants to dom me then I guess we won’t be friends.

I am talking to a couple of other men as well.

One is already starting to monopolize my time via text. He is getting pushy. He wants me to tell him why he should choose me as his baby girl over someone else.

Um, actually I don’t really care lol. Either you move to the city at the end of the month, meet me, get to know me, want me, ask me, and if I feel the same we do, and if I don’t, we don’t.

Red flag.

This afternoon, when I am supposed to be sending him an email detailing YET AGAIN why I “need” a dom, I am instead going to tell him that he is being too pushy and I am not interested.

It’s too bad because he’s really freaking hot, his references are glowing (learned from a new friend that Dom references are a thing–who knew? This would have helped a LOT), he’s built like a truck, AND he’s Black–I’ve never been with a Black guy before and have always wanted to.

But I won’t be letting anyone I haven’t even met in person yet Dom me. I was very clear that I want to get to know my next Daddy first, for a long time, before I ever call him that or give him that power over me, and he doesn’t seem to be respecting that.

So bye-bye he goes.

Tonight is coffee with someone from Fet Life who I will also just be friends with, maybe friends with benefits if it’s there, but nothing more. He has a baby girl and I don’t share Daddies with other Littles.

Devastation has given me a healthy dose of “I don’t give a fuck.” Respect my boundaries or see you later.

 

 


8 Comments on “Learning”

  1. plantpage says:

    Great that you are setting boundaries. STICK WITH IT. You will so be better off and much more happier.

    Damn…thanks for emailing me. I will take you out..lol.

  2. d says:

    “Devastation has given me a healthy dose of “I don’t give a fuck.” Respect my boundaries or see you later.”
    about time … at least for a while until you get hungry again ..

    • Well if/when that happens, I can always go back to fucking a circle of randoms who mean nothing 😉

      • d says:

        I would rather see you do that as opposed to getting into these deeply emotionally draining episodes .. it will take a toll . I liked when you were having a break from everything and trying to work on your inner self .. as I thought that gave you a chance of finding a more manageable life and happiness :-). I think doing this is a very healthy thing to do : take stock of what’s happening etc regardless of your life position.
        I am not saying you should avoid a Dom connection , just increase your knowledge so you can choose the right one for you . I wrote in a post a while back , a healthy Dom doesn’t take he receives your submission. He will care how you feel emotionally and not stretch you too hard or too fast or at all if it is not right :for you . He will respect your situation , your family and not demand of you things that place that in jeopardy . He is best a person who doesn’t have 100 girls on the go because
        a) it’s safer physically and
        b) you like to be the focus (emotionally) despite your poly discussions(hedonistic head think) .
        Some things you said since I have been reading your posts in a practical sense conflict with your emotional needs and I see this as a great source of frustration .. for you . This is the inner work that has to be done by you to find the right spot in life .

        😉
        D

      • Well, I have learned a lot. I’ve learned to never randomly yell out “Daddy!” while fucking someone. I mean, I’ve done it with men before and we both knew it was just a word, but this time it spiraled and I just went with it, even though I knew it wasn’t a good idea.

        I’ve learned that when someone tells me they love me and my first reaction is to not believe them, I should hit the bricks and not look back.

        As for the poly stuff, you are right in a certain sense. It’s not hedonistic head-think. I am fine with sharing (and have done it successfully and without jealousy or competition), but I either have to not know the other woman, or I have to really like her. This is where the man who thought he was a Daddy failed miserably–you can’t just shove any woman at me because I’m bisexual and expect that I will be fine with it.

        But at this point I am not willing to share my Daddy with another woman, period. I’m not going to see the Dom who took me out for coffee again unless he is willing to just be friends, because he has a baby girl and I just can’t. Same with the one I saw last night. He is looking for a secondary but I won’t be a secondary baby girl.

        If you have a wife, a girlfriend, a play partner– whatever, fine. Good. But when you’re with me, you’re with me.

        And after a bunch of experiences with men who were just really freaking obsessed with having threesomes, I can say that I’m not doing that again for a long time. I will never be talked into a threesome again with someone that I don’t know. The best threesomes I had have been spontaneous–we all just decided we were turned on and got naked. There will be no more searching for random women to be a third, ever.

      • D says:

        You are learning slowly but surely ..
        🙂

  3. plantpage says:

    Totally agree with d’s last comment.

    You know that I will give you your time and space. Just want you to stay on the right path.


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