Everything reminds me of him.

Literally EVERYTHING. It is ridiculous.

We like the same music and he had music playing constantly, so I can’t even listen to my OWN favourite songs without it conjuring some memory of him.

We have the same favourite movies–can I just snuggle under my blanket and watch Love, Actually or The Shawshank Redemption without having him in my head?

The word “honey”–used in any context, by anyone. Is there a more generic term of endearment out there? Probably not. Why the hell does the “h” word make me feel like I’ve lost a few moments of time? I’m not kidding, I have to stop and gather myself.

I was at a Munch last night and someone mentioned the sex show that he promised to take me to. Pang.

Then the conversation turned to the little mountain resort town a few hours away where he said we’d go for a weekend. Pang.

While walking, I passed the creole restaurant he took me to, and I nearly choked on my breath mint. And no, I’m not kidding–I literally gasped and it hit me in the tonsils.

Fuck this shit.

Someone make it stop.



10 Comments on “Everywhere”

  1. chinaskie says:

    Time. Less breath mints. Pivot.

  2. chinaskie says:

    …and hang in there. It will get better. When you’re tempted to forgive or reach out, go back and read earlier posts. He’ll do it again and again. Not the good kind of “do it again”, either. The only way out is through. You can do it.

    • What she said.
      The little fuckers keep weaseling their way back in and causing pain until you flip the switch and put an end to it.
      I used to think getting under someone else would help but it doesn’t.
      Just breathe thru it. You’ll make it to the other side eventually.

      • “I used to think getting under someone else would help but it doesn’t.”

        As evidenced by last night “sigh” lol.

        But seriously, I am convinced that being thoroughly fucked on a regular basis is a basic need–like showering. Key word is THOROUGH–not two minutes

      • Sex is absolutely a basic need. I am in the same marriage situation as you. My husband is asexual and I am a ravenous beast. Every good-looking male within a fifty mile radius is a target. If I could just keep to the boys that I can fuck and not get attached to, life would be much easier. The problem is that I find men I want to be with and fall for them. They treat me like a dog, which makes me want them more, they beat me down and use me and ignore me and I go out of my mind trying to get them back. Or I dump them, they find someone else, and then I want them back.
        I know all of this and yet, I kept doing it…for YEARS.
        It will get better. You will eventually stop being miserable over him. You will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking. You will.

      • I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. It really is a brutal way to live. If only we could have had primary partners who actually WANTED sex, huh?
        I think I did an okay job not getting attached before I moved. . .then again, no one ever promised me the moon before.

  3. sylviagrimes says:

    Much sympathy from another “married to an asexual.”

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