The Bachelorette, Kink EditionPosted: July 14, 2014
Let’s talk rejection. I know it’s just part of the game, but it is hard for me. I actually have a harder time turning others down, than I do being turned down myself. I rarely look–I just put myself out there and see who comes to me. But occasionally someone is interested, and then less so.
For example, there was The Kickboxer. I thought we had a great time and he said more than once that we needed to hook up again, but when I texted him a couple weeks later, he didn’t respond. It didn’t hurt but it was somewhat puzzling. Maybe he decided he didn’t want to be with a married woman, maybe he got a girlfriend, maybe he decided that it was better off as a one-time thing. Whatever, no big deal.
I’ve had maybe two experiences where I’ve been talking to someone and it seems like we click, and they ask for a face photo and then never get back to me again, haha. I personally think I’m pretty hot, so if I’m just not their type for whatever reason, or THEY don’t think I’m attractive, it doesn’t really sting. Different strokes for different folks.
I actually think I’d prefer them to just not answer, rather than be like “Umm, I don’t think you’re cute.” Either way I get the message, though I’m sure I’d appreciate their candor if they did have the balls to say that.
My main problem is my inability to let someone down gently. If it is someone I’ve seen one or twice and I’m not interested in seeing them again, I will either just make excuses until they get the hint, or if they offended me in some way, I will just not respond to them.
The Dom I met with the other day, I actually ended up playing with. There was no sex, just some rope and impact play with some fingers thrown in for pleasure. Afterwards he asked me what I thought, and I was honest: he was a little bit brutal for me. It wasn’t the spanking or the whipping or the paddling–it was the humiliation aspect of it. I can really get off on a little degradation, but I have never experienced anything to that level before and it was a bit much. We hugged, we agreed that we are probably not a good match but that we had fun (which we did), and we were cool. He checked in with me a few days later to make sure I wasn’t experiencing any sub drop and that I felt okay with everything, and that was that. He also said if I ever want to play just for fun, he has a casual play partner who is also not into humiliation (and who he still hasn’t slept with, because it’s not just about sex for him) if I want to join them. So that went well.
The other is a little trickier. He is the one who took me for coffee right after I broke up with Sugar Daddy–the one who I just didn’t feel anything for. I’m not saying I have to have feelings for my Dom (in fact right now I’m actually thinking I’d prefer not to), but there should at least be heat. We got together again a second time with his baby girl, her son, her step-sister. We had a bon fire and drank and watched a movie. It was a decent time and I’d like to be friends, but I think he would like to be play partners and I’m just not really feeling it.
How do I tell him without being insulting? I know he thinks he’s hot shit and has a few different girls interested (at least according to him, he does), but I’m just not sure how to tell him I don’t feel any chemistry.
There is also a third…who I have avoided talking about. I met him on FetLife because I needed a Dom to be a sounding board and help me figure out if Sugar Daddy was behaving appropriately and I was in the wrong, or vice versa. Well, the other night, the last time I saw Sugar Daddy, this man gave me his number and told me to call if it got to be too much and he would come get me.
I was a mess when I left Sugar Daddy’s condo. My eyes were filled with tears on my way out, but as soon as I stepped outside I started bawling. I couldn’t imagine taking the bus or going home like that, so I called him and he picked me up. We went back to his house and sat on separate couches and he just let me cry and talk. But it has become painfully clear that he wants to be my Daddy and I am not the slightest bit attracted to him. He texts every day and keeps talking about how he thinks a nice, long spanking session would make me feel better (which it would, but not from him) or how I need a distraction from my pain. I have told him I’m talking to other Doms, have taken my sweet time responding to his messages, and have not accepted any of his invitations to spend time with him, but on he goes.
What to do? Do I just flat out say “Thank you for your kindness, sorry to have led you on, but I am not interested in you that way?”
Then there’s the fact that I am talking to three other Doms, including Dark Daddy. And I am trying to go slow, just talk instead of meeting right away, avoid sexting and instead just get to know each other. But I am already starting to feel anxious because I know that I can only possibly end up with one of them. One I like very much but he is actually a year younger than I am, which throws me in a Daddy situation. Dark Daddy continues to be pretty intense, and though I know he would be a good Daddy I am not sure he is the right Daddy for me. The other I like and would like to get to know better but he doesn’t give me the same feelings as the other two–and yet he puts me at ease, which is so important.
All this to say, I feel that I have a habit of throwing my hat in the ring with whoever happens to get there first, because I do not want to have to turn anyone down. Not that I don’t like the people I hook up with, just that I am never sure they are the best fit. That’s a problem and yet I’m not sure how to handle it–I’m totally ill-equipped.
I feel like I’m on The Bachelorette, Kink Edition.
A little help?