It’s a New DayPosted: July 18, 2014
On Wednesday night the husband and I went to see Wicked. It was just what I needed after a day of text drama. Earlier that day I went out and bought a new dress I’d had my eye on (white eyelet tulle) so I felt extra pretty. It was nice to be out with my hubby, who does not mind if I wear a dress that hits mid-thigh instead of almost exposing my ass.
The show was phenomenal. It was our first Off-Broadway show and it just blew us away. The acting, the story, the dancing and especially the singing. It is corny but I left feeling weepy and happy and inspired. If you ever get a chance to see it, you should!
It was a turning point for me, and I have been listening to the soundtrack instead of angry break-up music, so onward and upward.
Today at work I had a chance to talk to a client who is in a bad relationship. The situation is all kinds of tangled and painful, just like mine was. I was able to share with her my experiences and what I learned from the whole episode with Sugar Daddy, and that was so gratifying. I love that through that mess I was able to help someone. She may still self destruct but she will know that I am there and understand–and that she can come to me for support if she needs help picking up the pieces.
After work I texted Dark Daddy about the talk I had with her, and he debriefed it with me. He asked me how it felt knowing someone else was in the same situation, what conclusions about my own life I was able to draw from seeing it from an outside perspective–he is really so intelligent and insightful.
Talking it through with him helped crystallize the realizations I’d made, one of which is huge for me. The first is that I can love someone and it doesn’t mean I have to do anything about it or get anything out of it. I still love Sugar Daddy and I may for my whole life, but it doesn’t require contact with him. In fact, I prefer it this way. I can wish the best for him (and I sincerely do–that he get his act together and stop the madness and become an honourable man for his girlfriend and for himself), but I don’t have to deal with the emotional turmoil that comes from having him in my life. It so so freeing and I feel great about it.
The other thing I learned is an offshoot from the first lesson. It is that I can feel something–anything–and not do anything about it. I am so motivated by my feelings. They tend to rule me. But there is no reason why that has to be the case. I can feel unspeakably horny and just accept it. I can feel anger and want revenge, and not act. I can feel bored and not thrill seek. It has been a huge day for me, realizations-wise.
Next week I am giving my first workshop on healthy relationships–and I actually feel equipped to do so now. I am imbued with personal experience and the knowledge of how to break free from someone who is toxic, as well as the ability to clearly see what it is that we need, want and deserve from someone we have given our love and commitment.
I am going to go hang out with my husband. Maybe I’ll get laid. And if I don’t…well, then I’ll just be horny.