Deviating from the ScriptPosted: July 21, 2014
Dark Daddy and I are getting closer.
We have talked on the phone a number of times, and I am always thrilled to hear from him.
We have asked each other hundreds of questions.
We have been brutally honest, even with the very real possibility that we may tell the other something they do not want to hear, and they may leave.
He has told me that if I did not put my family first, he would know that I do not know what responsibility is, and he would go. But that if he has a primary Baby Girl, she will always come first and will never become a secondary, regardless of whether or not he is a primary to her. (A far cry from Sugar Daddy, who flat-out said that I should get no say in how many women he adds or how much time he spends with women added after me, since I am married and have children.)
We have yet to meet.
He lives in the part of the country where I used to live, and will be moving to my city for work next month. I am excited. He no longer scares me. He is intense, yes, but he makes his expectations crystal clear, and I can take them or leave them. He wants to know me inside and out.
The other Daddy who I was considering has bowed out because he cannot handle the fact that I am married. I understand this and I appreciate it. This is not a game to him–real hearts and lives are involved here–and he knows that with how intense the Daddy/Girl relationships get, there is just no way he would be okay with it. Good for him.
There was another…my usual type. Fascinating, charming, rich (has been to Hawaii 24 times!?), loves to wine-dine-then 69…and for a beat, I considered meeting him. Dark Daddy won’t be in town for weeks yet. It would not be cheating, though I do already feel a certain loyalty to him, since we are still just getting to know each other. This other man mentioned putting me in the bar of a ritzy hotel, approaching me as though we were strangers, and handing me his hotel key (a recurring fantasy of mine). He mentioned horseback riding. Claims to mix the sensual and the sadistic like peanut butter and chocolate. And like peanut butter and chocolate, he is far too smooth.
I have been there. I have done that. Gone for the men with the clever lines and big plans and money to burn. I think it’s time I deviate from that script. Choose a different path. Like talking for months before we ever lay eyes on each other. Trusting someone who has talked me through panic attacks and listened to me cry about my ex–someone who commands that I be real instead of demanding that I not cause drama. Someone who is working class, who wants to teach me to shoot hoops, who does not expect me to ever do a threesome again due to my all-encompassing panic at being displaced. He is funny. Confident. Smart. Insightful. Strong. Protective. He understands women. He understands me.
He is the one I should give the chance to prove to me that I can have more. We still have a few weeks to go, but at least if this time I am making a mistake, it will be a better one.
I’m playing this week. I ran it by Dark Daddy and he says it bothers him a little bit but I’m not his yet and I deserve it. It is with the Dom I mentioned before–the one who is heavy on the humiliation. We’ll call him The Sadist. We went through what I didn’t like from last time and he will modify the session accordingly. We didn’t have sex last time, and we may not this time. For The Sadist, it is more about the sensations, the experience of new things, and the release. Though he will never be my Dom, he is lightyears away from Sugar Daddy, who considered his training of me to be secondary to getting off. He may just be an interim release for me until Dark Daddy gets here, or we may get to know him and his play partners and become part of their circle. Either way I’m feeling good about it.
Over the weekend I went to a Polyamory group. It was a good time. I connected with some new people, and there was another woman there who has also recently had a break-up with her other significant other, so we related quite a bit. We both said we felt like we were back in grade 10 with the listening to sad music and the crying our eyes out, and how funny it was that our husbands were helping us process our break-ups. Like me, her fantasy is a big, happy, poly family. More hands, more connections, more love. Don’t know if I will get that any time soon, but it’s nice to know there are like-minded people out there.
I did get asked out by a Daddy who was at the poly group–he came right out and said he liked me, which was cute–but I am not interested.
Honestly, on the inside, I think I’m already taken.