30 Days of Truth: I Hate WaitingPosted: August 7, 2014
Day one: Something you hate about yourself
Waiting for something–anything–is torture to me. I can’t stand it. I have walked out of stores without purchases, walked out of lines at fast food chains and coffee shops, because I would rather not have what I want than just stand there.
I admit I have a problem. I am compulsive. Impatient. Hyperactive. This has got me into all kinds of trouble over the years. In relationships, I get anxious and pissy if I am not responded to in a timely manner.
I have also become involved with people before I really knew them, because of this. It hasn’t just been the fact that I don’t want to take the time to get to know them–I also worry that if I don’t grab the opportunity right away, it will slip through my fingers.
Dark Daddy was able to glean, after less than a week of us talking, that I need to learn patience. And honestly, I wasn’t sure how he figured that out. We weren’t in a relationship so I hadn’t been reacting as though we were, demanding his attention or freaking out and assuming the worst if it took him hours to get back to me.
There were a lot of things I told him about me–my lack of respect for myself sometimes, my fear of being taken in by another false Dom, my nymphomania and insatiable nature.
But patience. . .that’s the thing he named that he would work on with me.
It has been working.
I am learning to breathe.
I am trying not to jump to conclusions, or at least if I do jump to conclusions, to do it privately and not bring anyone else into my imagined drama.
I am slowly figuring out how to just wait. Not having sex with people I don’t want, just because the person I do want is nowhere around.
I am becoming more able to be in the moment. To embrace where I am and what I am doing at that very moment for whatever it has to offer, instead of constantly wishing I were somewhere else and wanting to rush onto the next thing.
I hate waiting, but I am getting more comfortable with it’s inevitability. I am practicing patience.
But I still refuse to wait 20 minutes for a Frappuccino. Ain’t nobody got that for that.