30 Days of Truth, Day 22: Smoking


30 Days of Truth, Day 22: One thing you wish you hadn’t done.

One thing I wish I didn’t do, is start smoking. I started when I was in jr.high, to be cool. I quit for two years and then started again in high school. I quit again,  and started again in college. I quit when I was pregnant with my son, and then started again about a year ago. I have gone back to it so many times because it is one thing that helps me relieve stress. It’s just an easy solution–“Oh, I’ll just grab a pack of smokes–I know I’ll quit before it affects my health.”

Except now I’m almost 30. I’m sure these years of smoking on and off have not been good to my lungs. I need to take better care of my body, because I’m actually at a place now where I could get cancer. I can’t really think of anything more selfish. I have a family and children who love and need me. The kids do not know I smoke, because I make an excuse (“I’m going to the laundry room/to the mailbox/to the rental office), and I make sure they never see it. But my son is five, and he is getting old enough to become wise to things like this. I do not want to set a bad example, and I do not want to end up getting sick.

Cancer aside, I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be able to run after my kids, I don’t want to get premature wrinkles or end up spending our hard-earned money on dental visits or whatever else, just because I lack the self control to stop.

Last week I gave in and finally ordered some e-cigarettes online. They are the kind with the nicotine in them (I tried the ones with pure vapor but they didn’t do it), and I have ordered the liquid for the first couple of weeks at the highest strength, the next couple of weeks at medium strength, and the last few weeks at the lowest strength. I am committed now, and I need to do this.

I am spending around $50 a week on this shitty habit, which works out to $200 a month I could be putting towards student loans–and that is exactly what I am going to do with that money. I am going to kick this, and put my family and my life and well-being first.

Sometimes being a quitter is a good thing.

One Comment on “30 Days of Truth, Day 22: Smoking”

  1. I quit smoking thirteen years ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I still have cravings when I’m under stress. Even after watching my mother die a slow and painful death by asphyxiation due to lung cancer wrapping around her trachea and squeezing it shut (she was a smoker for sixty years).
    I refuse to be controlled by a substance. It is why I do not drink or smoke.

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