My crisis continues. I am in pain, terrified, and depressed. Gentleman Friend (hereafter known as Papa Bear) and The Husband have both been amazing, but I am emotionally paralyzed.

I haven’t been writing, because I don’t know what to write. Papa Bear has done everything in his power to make life easier for me. He has helped me with practical things like chores and errands and money, as well as extra things, like buying me presents and pampering me and making me feel precious.

The Husband has been doing more than his fair share. Keeping the kids out of my hair so I can rest, and just generally being good to me.

I don’t deserve either of them, but I need them both so much right now.

It’s hard to need Papa Bear in such a tangible way. It’s one thing to need his presence and his words and his love. It’s another thing to literally need him–to know that without his help it would be so much more difficult to even go on.

It doesn’t help that I haven’t seen him in a few days. We are in pretty constant contact, but I am missing and needing him so bad right now. I get to see him tomorrow and I cannot WAIT to just curl up in his arms and have him kiss and hold and love me. I cannot wait to just go baby girl and nuzzle into his neck and feel him against me. I want to get on my knees and give him what he wants, and then have him give me what I need.

I can’t wait for him to have me.


5 Comments on “Need”

  1. A_Female says:

    It sounds like you’re dealing with serious illness. Are you seeking medical treatment or any kind of professional help? All the Daddies, husbands, and caretakers in the world are not going to be able fix this…

    • I don’t know whether or not you’d call me seriously ill, but yeah, there’s a problem. I’m doing what I can but it is so much easier having the support of people who love me.

      • A_Female says:

        Support is critical. I’m not downplaying that in any way. Believe me I’m not. I’m hopeful you’ll get all the support you need while learning to value and trust yourself at the same time. 🙂

  2. It’s wonderful that you have people who are supporting you, but I have to agree with A_Female. As someone who has ‘been there, done that’, seeking professional help really is the only long term solution. Wishing you all the best xoxo

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