Anti-Poly? You Don’t Belong Here

I will say this once, and never again. If you are a naysayer or a troll, as far as I’m concerned, this blog isn’t for you. Why? Because you don’t belong here. It is one thing to express concern, or ask questions. It is another to blatantly discriminate against me because of my lovestyle.

Polyamory is legitimate. It is a legitimate way to live your life. It is a legitimate way to conduct relationships, or build a family. There is absolutely zero reason to believe otherwise. It’s not necessarily for everyone, and that’s fine. I don’t care what anyone else does or doesn’t do, as long as they are living their lives in an ethical way.

I do not have affairs. I do not go behind my husband’s back. I am not hurting him, or myself, or my children. I MAY have been, back when I was having random sex, because you know, health risks. But as it stands, I am safe. I am happy. I am loved. And the same goes for each and every member of my family–my nuclear family, and our chosen tribe.

If you have questions about how that works–how we are handling things, how we feel, the logistics, or even the wisdom of this chosen path of life, or the risks, go for it. I don’t mind at all.

But when you start maligning everybody who lives this way, we have a problem. Go read something else.

This will ALWAYS happen. When interracial marriages became legal, it was the same story. Multi-ethnic families are bad for kids. Multi-ethic families don’t have enough common ground to make it work. Interracial families this, interracial families that.

Well, guess what? I am part of an interracial family. My husband is one nationality, I am another, and our children are both. You want to know how that affects us? The answer is, not at all.

Marriage equality is becoming more and more accepted, because love is love, and if you don’t like it, you can just go ahead and mind your own business.

It’s the same with polyamory. It’s the same for me, and mine. It always boggles me that people would rather see a young family struggle financially, with no support, than to see them blend their family with another, in whatever way that happens to look like, and have more love and help and  everything that goes along with that.

Our lives were HELL. There was a point about a year back, where both my husband and I NEEDED to be hospitalized, and we couldn’t. We just couldn’t go. It wasn’t possible. We were totally alone. We had no one. Now? That would never happen. We have our family, and they are the people we have CHOSEN. The people we are related to, for one reason or another, cannot offer hands-on support on a day to day level.

If we had all of that–chosen family, best friends, support–without the sexual component, no one would bat an eye. Everyone would think it was wonderful and lovely. I had that growing up–aunts and uncles I wasn’t related to, but the kids were all in and out of each other’s houses all the time anyway. People we spent Christmas with, with whom we shared no blood, because we had something BETTER. Understanding. Love. Support.

It’s only when you throw sex into the mix, that people suddenly take issue. And sex is one of the most normal, natural things out there. There is no reason why consenting adults cannot support each other emotionally AND love each other sexually. Your sexual hang-ups are YOUR sexual hang-ups. I won’t adopt them as my own, and I won’t sit here, in my own space, and listen to you tear down the very model of love and life, that has finally given my family and countless others, what it has been desperate for, for years.

I’m a woman of color married to a man as white as they come.

I’m bisexual, and believe in same-sex marriage–that love is love.

And I’m polyamorous. It’s only a matter of time, before dissenters to poly look as ridiculous as dissenters to interracial marriage looked, 50 years ago.

I’m willing to wait. I don’t care if you like me. But shut your mouth and stay out of my space. You don’t belong here.

7 Comments on “Anti-Poly? You Don’t Belong Here”

  1. Baby Doll says:

    Amen!!!! All the parents who now know we are poly and living it have been told, you don’t have to applaud us but be suportive. In other words, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!!

    • Right?
      “How does it affect the kids?” Okay.
      “You shouldn’t have kids,” Not okay.

      • Baby Doll says:

        We’ve been asked that and told their concerns for the children, more on my boyfriend’s and his wife’s side. My mom loves the fact that someone is always home with the kids versus daycare.

      • Exactly. I’d love for someone to try to explain how MORE love and support is a bad thing.

      • Baby Doll says:

        My biggest irritation is we’ve also been asked about the sex/swapping…which ok I understand they’re curious but when they ask about “group” stuff or insinuate how we’re a little perverted. That isn’t fair

      • I understand. And honestly, peoe in love have all kinds of arrangements and all kinds of sex lives or sexual practices, from wild, to none at all. Generally this is accepted as being PRIVATE domain, between the parties involved.

        Perversion is in the eye of the beholder. If its not illegal, its not your business.

  2. Well said. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for sharing how you make it work. Thank you for sharing your lovestyle with us.


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