Questions for my Peeps:

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1) Is it possible to live life without expectations? I feel that the more I try to have expectation-free relationships, the more I end up just expecting the worst, instead of anticipating the best. I steel myself against disappointment this way, but pessimism about the future seems to just be negatively affecting my ability to enjoy the present. Thoughts?

2) If you believe in neither love, nor god, what do you believe in?

Please answer in the comments!


8 Comments on “Questions for my Peeps:”

  1. micklively says:

    Without expectations, you need to calculate from first principals on every occasion. That would be tedious, even if it were possible.
    I don’t “believe in” anything, where that means blind faith. I believe I understand what love is, where it comes from, why we have it. I expect I shall both give and receive.

  2. Myworld says:

    I think unrealistic expectations are the problem. Expecting from others what they can’t give us. I think we all make clear at some point how much of us or little we can give to a relationship. It’s when that is not understood that problems arise. As a relationship progresses, we want more. It’s the human in us, but it’s that expectation of more when they don’t have it to give where disappointment kicks in. We have to be realistic about how much the other person can and is willing to give us. If we can truly understand that and can be happy with it then there would be less problems.
    I don’t believe in God. Unfortunately or fortunately, I can’t comprehend the concept of believing in something just because someone said it existed. I wanted to believe at some point. It makes you feel better when you think someone out there will make everything okay. But that’s unrealistic.
    I believe in love. I believe that love is defined differently for many. But it exists, regardless of what it means to you.

    • I guess it’s just figuring out what is realistic and what isn’t that is the hard part . But need is also tricky. I don’t want to need anyt from anyone anymore.

      • Myworld says:

        I guess…but the problem is not figuring out what’s realistic, the problem is understanding that your expectations of someone are not there’s. I can understand not wanting to need from anyone anymore. Work on yourself, everything else will fall into place. 🙂

      • I do understand that my expectations aren’t theirs…which is why I would prefer to not have any.

      • Myworld says:

        I think we are not built that way. We will always have them. Controlling them as with any other emotion is the best we can do.

  3. A_Female says:

    1. I have expectations all the damn time. And they’re crushed or foiled often. I don’t know if we can help but have them. So what do we do? We can try to steel ourselves, like you said, but we’re never prepared when the disappointment hits. The attempts to self preserve fall away, replaced with hope and idealism and sometimes fantasy. I think the best I can do is continue to be self aware. I can start to recognize when I make choices that allow for unreasonable expectations to creep in. For example: If I don’t want to be let down by people I know will let me down, I can choose to see them less. Knowing ourselves is a start.

    2. I believe in hope and change. I have hope that things will get better for me some day. Partly because of the things I’m doing now, partly because of witnessing the happiness and well-being of others who have struggled and are doing better, and partly because of change itself. Things cannot stay as they are indefinitely. Even the worst things. Now, sometimes it’s hard for me to get in touch with believing things will get better. I struggle with negativity (as you well know), but I need both sides of me to get whole – the good and the bad. I want to work through all my anger and pain so that I CAN feel closer to my positive beliefs about my future.

    I also believe I am not alone in my struggle.

    The most important thing for me through everything has been support. I can’t do this alone. I can’t. I was living a mess of a life until I started getting the kind of support I needed. I say to anyone who struggles: You are not alone. Once you can fully accept that and can be open to support, it can make a world of difference.

    How’s that for some touchy-feely bullshit!?! 😛

  4. xtal says:

    You should study Buddhism the five precepts, specifically number three, which addresses sexual misconduct. Or else, maybe study a lot of Carl Jung’s work. Seems you’re tipping toward transcendence, so, maybe studying theory will help you further metamorph……

    Guess what? You’re not the only person trapped in this hell you’ve been living, cause I’ve followed your blogs for a great long time- time enough to know that there are children, spouses, and entire other families involved in this quagmire and abyss of depression and self-loathing you vent about so frequently…at this point, your life should not just be about your journey of self -centered introspection of every vacuous escapade you’ve had….

    At this point, you should start being objective and realize the impact your choices have made on the many vulnerable people around you, who didn’t have a choice.


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