Loving LifePosted: September 2, 2015
Things with Papa Bear are miles and miles better. Over our break, I decided I needed to let go of some things. It is obviously not possible for him to have two equal partners (just can’t happen if The Wifey is not comfortable with it), so I have let that idea go. I can’t be mad at The Wifey about it anymore. If she’s not comfortable, she’s not comfortable. It’s too exhausting hoping and waiting for her to change.
I gave them a card for the 23rd wedding anniversary. It’s displayed in their kitchen. She and I have been texting back and forth a bit. Things are better.
I have also let go of the gut-wrenching fear that overtakes me when I think about us breaking up someday.
We probably will break up someday. I hope its not for a long time, and I hope, when it happens, its for a good reason (like one of us moving away). I hope it will not be the failure of our relationship, but rather a transition into a different kind of relationship. Like good friends who talk regularly and meet up to have sex a couple times a year!
I’m okay. I can’t live with fear. It makes me too unstable. If I accept the inevitable, I am much happier. And maybe we won’t break up. Who knows? But even so, we can’t be together forever, barring the minute possibility of some kind of afterlife where we get to be with everyone we love. C’est la vie.
Recent Happenings: A marshmallow roast with Papa Bear, the hubby and kids. A trip to Hubby’s hometown to attend his grandpa’s memorial and spend the weekend with his extended family. Reading The Sex Starved marriage with my husband, resulting in lots and lots more sex.
The Hubby and I deciding to start saving for a kid-free trip in the next year. Attending a one-woman show about polyamory with Papa Bear, The Wifey, her boyfriend, and his wife. Date nights with Papa Bear where we giggle and fuck and get drunk and talk about zombies.
Applying for a coordinator position at work (interview pending). Photographing a wedding with Papa Bear and earning a big, fat wad of cash. Seeing Mumford and sons with my co-worker (AWESOME).