High School Hell

badidea

Being around Boss Man is pure hell. I feel like I’m in high school again. Part of me wants to fabricate excuses to talk to him, and part of me wants to avoid him at all costs. I haven’t had a legit crush like this in so long, and I have no idea how to handle it. Sixteen year old me just fantasized. About kissing. About sex. About him or her asking me out. About being a couple.

30 year old me does not have time for that. 30 year old me just wants to be done already. 30 year old me feels giddy sometimes, an anxious wreck sometimes, and like looking for another job immediately the rest of the time.

It’s fucking weird. Today, when our eyes met and he held my gaze and I knew what he was thinking, I felt incredibly sexy. Like even though we will likely never do anything, we have a secret: We want each other.

When I stabbed myself with a staple, he burst out laughing, and then said “Thank you for being you.” And I felt lit up from the inside.

Hours later, he licked his lips, and I visibly went weak in the knees. To the point where he said “Sorry,” and I refused to look at him for the rest of the day. I just want to die. I am so goddamn embarrassed. I want him so hard.

It was manageable before I drunk texted him a pic of myself in my underwear. But then the hot and heavy texting started, the fantasies, what we wanted to do to each other, and now…good goddamn. I literally can’t even.

We have talked about spending some time together in the next few weeks. I’m fucking terrified. If he is 100% sure that nothing can happen between us, I may not be able to be around him. I prefer not to humiliate myself further. Plus, he just started dating this chick off Tinder, after three months of celibacy, because he said I made him want sex again. Awesome.

I don’t think they’re exclusive (it’s been one date) but he tends to move fast. They could be a couple in a matter of days. Or maybe he’ll have lost interest by then, as he’s prone to do.

I don’t even know why I feel like this. He is just some guy. He is not poly or non- monogamous. He can be a dick. He is my SUPERVISOR. But while months ago you could cut the sexual tension with a knife, now it is literally suffocating.

This has bad idea written all over it. Someone save me from myself.

 


5 Comments on “High School Hell”

  1. JsBabyGirl says:

    Long time reader…. I don’t think I’ve posted anything prior.

    I hope that you can draw some strength/balance from how much you seem to like your job. Especially given the economy and work being difficult to find at the moment.

    As a reader, it seems like work has been a very positive thing in your life. I wouldn’t want to see this ruin that for you. Especially not for an “itch that needs to be scratched” kind of struggle.

    Truthfully, I would love to see you get some healthy alone time with Papa Bear soon. I hope your

    I don’t know your life and I am only gleaning from your posts, but when you’ve been having hot times with him, your drive seems to be satiated. (Also, truthfully, I’d love to hear some explicit posts, your sex life is always hot)

    Happy to see you posting again. You were missed 🙂

    • Thank you so much for writing. I love it when people de-lurk! And thank you for your advice. I very much don’t want my job or future references ruined, and I know for a fact that Boss Man loves his job and would not know what to do without it. I am trying to get over it–more on that later.

      And yes, I have been meaning to write more about what Papa Bear and I get up to. 😉 Maybe focusing my sexual thoughts on him will help me ignore my lust for someone I can’t have…

  2. Marty says:

    Ummm … I’d say go for it

  3. […] Boss Man pulled me aside last Friday at work, and told me he was “bailing” on our plan to go […]

  4. […] the midst of all the Boss Man craziness, Papa Bear and I took our vacation into the mountains. It was absolutely perfect. It was off season […]


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