High School HellPosted: April 7, 2016
Being around Boss Man is pure hell. I feel like I’m in high school again. Part of me wants to fabricate excuses to talk to him, and part of me wants to avoid him at all costs. I haven’t had a legit crush like this in so long, and I have no idea how to handle it. Sixteen year old me just fantasized. About kissing. About sex. About him or her asking me out. About being a couple.
30 year old me does not have time for that. 30 year old me just wants to be done already. 30 year old me feels giddy sometimes, an anxious wreck sometimes, and like looking for another job immediately the rest of the time.
It’s fucking weird. Today, when our eyes met and he held my gaze and I knew what he was thinking, I felt incredibly sexy. Like even though we will likely never do anything, we have a secret: We want each other.
When I stabbed myself with a staple, he burst out laughing, and then said “Thank you for being you.” And I felt lit up from the inside.
Hours later, he licked his lips, and I visibly went weak in the knees. To the point where he said “Sorry,” and I refused to look at him for the rest of the day. I just want to die. I am so goddamn embarrassed. I want him so hard.
It was manageable before I drunk texted him a pic of myself in my underwear. But then the hot and heavy texting started, the fantasies, what we wanted to do to each other, and now…good goddamn. I literally can’t even.
We have talked about spending some time together in the next few weeks. I’m fucking terrified. If he is 100% sure that nothing can happen between us, I may not be able to be around him. I prefer not to humiliate myself further. Plus, he just started dating this chick off Tinder, after three months of celibacy, because he said I made him want sex again. Awesome.
I don’t think they’re exclusive (it’s been one date) but he tends to move fast. They could be a couple in a matter of days. Or maybe he’ll have lost interest by then, as he’s prone to do.
I don’t even know why I feel like this. He is just some guy. He is not poly or non- monogamous. He can be a dick. He is my SUPERVISOR. But while months ago you could cut the sexual tension with a knife, now it is literally suffocating.
This has bad idea written all over it. Someone save me from myself.