Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrowPosted: July 4, 2016
He says he is crazy about me, but that this part of our relationship–the part where we are intimate, can’t stop touching, kissing, loving each other–is over. He says his girlfriend deserves better than what he has given her lately.
I know he is right. I need to let go. Why is it so hard? What is it that makes it so fucking painful to stay away from each other?
I can’t have him. I can’t. I can’t. He says he wants me but he can’t have me, but it’s the opposite. He can’t have me all to himself, that’s true, but I am the one who can’t have him at all, anymore. I would be his girlfriend, his love, his partner, but it wouldn’t be enough for him. So I am the one who can’t have him. It’s heartbreaking,but it’s fact, and I need to move on.
I need to let go. I need to say goodbye. Yet I can’t keep away from him. I have no choice. I am only hurting myself, we are only hurting us both. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I need to steer clear. Tomorrow, I need to make sure my eyes don’t meet his. Tomorrow, I need to open my hand and let go of whatever it was we had. Tomorrow, I need to put one foot in front of the other and walk away.
I love him. God, how I love him. But I will never have him again. Our friendship will need downtime. I will need space to heal. I will need to stop thinking of him as my love, because he isn’t. I don’t want to lose him altogether, but right now I need to focus on not losing me. I have been helpless to resist him, but tonight and tomorrow I will be strong. One foot in front of the other until I am gone.