Makin it HappenPosted: October 27, 2016
Im back with Boss Man. I know, I know. How self destructive can I be? The words “I love you”, from his mouth, are enough to turn me into a puddle. The heart wants what it wants I guess. There is something about him I just can’t resist.
It feels different now, though? Like he’s not constantly pushing me away. A few weeks ago was our Thanksgiving here in Canada, and he was suicidal. He was supposed to go home with his girlfriend for the weekend, but fell into a major depression. She was understanding, but he didn’t want to go, and she went without him. I was there for him, talking him thorough it, offering to meet for coffee or a movie, and even inviting him to our Thanksgiving dinner at my place. He declined–but I think it made him realize how much I love him. That I will be there when the chips are down.
He asked me to define what we are, last week. I never thought he’d go there. I suggested “lovers”—he said that sounded cheap. That we are more than that. He is not my boyfriend, not my partner, and not just my friend. We landed on “love”–he is my love, and I am his, for better or worse.
He’s going to counselling. As am I. At my next therapy appointment we are going to talk about how to not go to pieces when someone hurts you. I need that.
Papa Bear and I are good. But I got drunk at his place the other day and was a complete bitch. I am going to be talking to someone tomorrow about my drinking. I can’t control myself around alcohol–I just can’t stop. I have cut back in the mean time. It’s going ok. Haven’t been truly drunk in s couple weeks, though I did get buzzed last weekend.
I’m still looking for a new job–but the thought of leaving Boss Man hurts.
Hunby and I had sex last weekend. Day time sex! Papa Bear took the kids so we could have some alone time. It was good–I’m sure the neighbours heard.
Also, I’m taking a a stab at writing a novel. That’s why I haven’t been blogging as much. I’m averaging about 500 words a day. So far, so good. But shhh, it’s a secret!
Papa Bear and I are going to a costume party for Halloween this weekend. It should be awesome. Stay tuned.