I’m back

And I’m in another sexless relationship.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.


I Want Candy

image

This is the reason I keep fooling around with Boss Man: to try to recapture our first time. It is such an insanely good memory. Like candy, so sweet.

I keep wanting that again, but I don’t know if I can ever have it again. I want the teasing. The playfulness. The passion. The curiosity and the banter. The completely inconceived and unfounded hope that just maybe, this could be something.

That hope has been dashed. Stomped on. Thoroughly decimated. But I keep holding on. I want him to hold me all night. Kiss me like he’s drowning and I’m his last hope. Fuck me like he’s been wanting this for a year and is desperate to have me.

But we have no future, and we know that now. I know that. I know he can be cruel. That he can hurt me like very few can. That he can turn his emotions on and off like a light switch, while I flounder and flail, trying to keep up, to understand, to hold on, to let go. I know all of this.

And yet, when he says he wants me again, I can’t help but want to say “Yes.” Because I hope that this time he will hold me. That he will mumble sweet things into my neck. That he will love me again, and erase the times between the first time and now, where I just felt like a used, dirty whore.

That I will somehow be able to justify what we’ve done, because again I’ll feel like it’s love. And love is messy and complicated and doesn’t follow rules like “do not cheat on your girlfriend.”

I don’t think I’ll ever have that again. The beautiful, passionate, true story of our affection, our lust, our discovery of one another, finally, after months and months of longing.

But I want it so badly. To bookend what we had/have with something that is not dirty, but is messy and painful and lovely and sweet.


Vacation Sex

convohearts

In the midst of all the Boss Man craziness, Papa Bear and I took our vacation into the mountains. It was absolutely perfect. It was off season at the resort, so the place was pretty well deserted. We spent four days cooking, snuggling, drinking, wandering through town, swimming in the natural spring pools, and screwing.

One night, after coming in from the hot tub, we fell into bed naked. We kissed feverishly, drunkenly, and started groping and sucking and fucking. I was on my stomach and as he fucked me from behind, I half-purred, half-growled, “I want you to fuck my ass.”

This is something that has always been a challenge for us. It has something to do with how thick Papa Bear’s cock is, and how tight my ass is, but in the year and a half that we’ve been together, we have only achieved anal once, and I couldn’t take it for long.

This time, though, I guess I was just drunk enough, just horny enough, and just lubed enough.

He slid the head of his cock into me. I gasped, and told him to wait. He held still and I tried to relax. He slid in a little more. I whimpered and took a deep breath, somewhere in the space between pain and ecstasy. We continued like that for several minutes, me breathing and trying to relax, him waiting and then advancing. And then he was inside me.

I moaned loudly. “Fuck me,” I begged, and he did. I screamed. I screamed and moaned and swore, and told him how fucking good it felt. I begged for more–harder, faster. He pounded me while I came and came, and then he filled me with cum.

“Holy fucking shit.”

It was definitely worth the wait, but we both agreed that another year and a half is not allowed to pass before we do that again.


The Company Ink, Part III-Just One Night

The Company Ink, Part I

The Company Ink, Part II

When the cab pulls up at his place, he is waiting outside. In the pitch dark, I can only make out his silhouette. The howling wind blows my dress and his shaggy, hipster hair as I walk towards him.

I close the space between us and grab his shirt, pulling his mouth to mine. His lips are soft–so impossibly soft. Our hands roam all over each others’ bodies, as we fumble our way through the door and down the stairwell.

I drop my bag. He pushes me against the wall. My hands under his lumberjack flannel shirt, his in the space between my short green dress and my thigh high boots.

“Do you want a smoke?” He asks. “Because otherwise the dress is coming off.”

I need a minute. “Yes,” I say. “Smoke.”

We go outside. We smoke. I have no idea what we talk about. Our lips find each other again and he pulls me back into the apartment, then begins kissing my neck from behind.

“I wish I could date you,” he murmurs into the space between my shoulders.

“Why can’t you?,” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Because I would want you all to myself. That’s why.” The tenderness and passion in his voice floods all my senses.

He flips me around and I fall back on the bed. We pull each others’ clothes off and he slowly kisses my body, and then he’s inside me.

I gasp. “Oh god.”

He moves in me until I come over and over.

“Get on your back,” I growl. He complies.

I climb on top and ride him. “You feel really good,” he moans. I moan back.

When we’re done, we lay together, kissing passionately, running our hands up and down each others’ bodies.

“Can you believe we did this?” I laugh.

“Yep,” he answers with a smile.

He softly asks me why I’m not single. I softly ask him why he’s not poly. Then our mouths are together again, getting as much of each other as we possibly can in this one night.

***

“I hate that I want you again already,” he admits. He kisses my neck, as I run my hands over his body, moaning. He enters me, this time alternating between pushing into me with his cock, and licking me to orgasm. I scream, grabbing his hair with my hands, digging my nails into his back, until I am spent.

And then we talk. Office gossip. The kinkiest thing we ever did. When we got our tattoos and why. The most fucked up thing we’ve ever done in heartbreak. Whether or not we believe in forever. What happens after we die. The moment we each realized we wanted each other, and the moment we each realized we wanted each other for more than sex.

“This is the most interesting post-sex conversation I’ve ever had,” he admits.

“What do you normally talk about?”

“It’s usually ‘I see this going somewhere…'”

“Ah,” I replied.

“Can we agree, no feelings?” he asks me.

“Define feelings…”I press.

“Ownership.”

I agree. Ownership, I do not need.

We smoke another cigarette, talking the whole time, and then take turns going down on each other. After another round of viciously delicious orgasms, I fall back against the pillows, panting.

“Let’s get breakfast,” I say. It is 2:30 in the morning.

***

We get in his car, and go for breakfast. We talk about what it would be like to keep seeing each other. What would happen if this one night turned into a full-blown affair. What would happen if we got caught.

Pancakes and bacon, and then back to his place to fuck and talk some more. Every time I pull on my panties to go to sleep, he asks why I am wearing underwear, and tosses them back across the room.

I start to giggle. “Well, if you can’t laugh during sex, you’re doing it wrong,” he says. And then his head is between my legs. We are insatiable.

***

So much of it is a blur of touch and hands and mouths and grabbing and bucking and kissing and petting. So much of it, except, this one moment:

Our heads in a cloud of blankets. Faces inches apart. His hands on my skin. Mine hands on his. Our eyes locked, hazy from exhaustion and wanting. His auburn hair mussed. Both of us floating. Not saying things we shouldn’t be saying, but definitely feeling things we shouldn’t be feeling.

If there is one moment from that night that I will take with me wherever I go, it will be that.

Around 4 AM, he tells me I must sleep. I’m in a meeting the whole next day. I tell him not to boss me. He tells me he is being a good friend. We spoon, and crash, pressed against each other.

***

My phone’s alarm blares at 6 AM. I rip it out of the wall. We both laugh, looking at each other in amazement.

“Good morning, ” he says. He uses my name.

“Good morning,” I say, using his.

We are kissing and then we are fucking. We are both wide awake.

We smoke, then make love again.

“What’s your weak spot?” he asks.

I smirk in response.

“I will kiss every inch of your body until I find it.”

I raise my eyebrows. Challenge accepted.

He starts at my hips. He kisses my belly. When he pulls a nipple into his mouth, I moan instantly. I moan again when he gets to my neck, and then our mouths are together and I flip over so he can enter me from behind.

***

He dresses and goes to the kitchen to get us something to drink. I follow , sliding up behind him, pulling open his shirt, pulling off his pants, until he is naked. I run my hands up and down his shaft until he turns and I kneel, taking him into my mouth.

He groans, and I stay there for a few moments, on the kitchen floor. “Back to bed,” he says, lifting me to my feet, carrying and tossing me onto the mattress. His head is between my legs again. I am so sore I can barely stand the contact but our time is almost over. I want as much as I can get.

I come.

He says he is going to shower, and then take me to my meeting. I wrap my arms tighter around him.

“You can’t pin me,” he laughs, so I wrap my leg around him too. He slowly kisses my neck. Runs his lips over my collarbone and towards my mouth. He turns me onto my back, gets on top of me, and fucks me into ecstasy one last time.

Then he chuckles, and walks towards the bathroom.

“It was totally worth it,” I laugh back. “I don’t even care.”

***

In the car, we are quiet. I pull a cigarette from his pack. “Do you want one?” I ask, and he says “Yeah.”

I put his to my lips and light it, handing it to him first, before I draw on my own.

“And they say romance is dead,” he says.


What Woke the Beast

beasts

Saturday night I had a foursome with Gentleman Friend, the Wifey, and her Dom. We started in the kitchen, sharing drinks and dirty stories, then moved to the living room with its enormous leather sectional and wood-burning fireplace. We sat in front of the fire, surrounded by furry blankets, and then the touching started. I wanted to see the wifey’s undergarments, so I pulled her dress right up and admired their sheer, lacy pinkness. I ran my hand up the seam in her stockings, and before I knew it my dress was in a pile on the floor and I was left in my thigh highs and red bra.

Gentleman Friend fingered me and made me come, and the Dom put his cock in my mouth, calling me “good girl.” We all went upstairs.

His bedroom. My god. It was a circle and reminded me of a turret. The bathroom is separated from the main room by a glass half-wall and has a soaker tub with jets, and the bedroom itself is heated by yet another wood-burning fireplace. A leather couch faces the fireplace, and there is a giant bed in the middle of the room.

But its most impressive feature is the spiral staircase that leads to a look-out –a circular catwalk with 360 degree windows, a telescope, and railings all around–perfect for tying someone up. Which we did.

The Wifey has been needing a beating, so I helped the Dom tie her up, and he handed me different implements to torture her with. Yummy.

After we untied her, we crawled onto the bed, and they pulled out an 18 inch double sided dildo. I lubed it up, and slid it inside the Wifey’s pussy. She gasped as she took it, and then I slid my end inside me. It was very thick, and I had to take more and more of it gradually. But we were both moaning, panting and gushing. Fucking each other.

“Lady!!!,” she screamed on the edge of an orgasm. “You are better than Sugar Daddy!!!” [random editorial aside: she is not seeing him anymore either. same reasons.]

I laughed. “Thanks, I’ll tell him you said so.”

We screwed, and the men watched until they decided they wanted a piece of that action. Then I got on my back, and Gentleman Friend fucked me, while the Dom fucked wifey, who was straddling my face. I alternated between licking her pussy and fingering her, though it was a little hard to concentrate while getting the hell fucked out of me!

I gushed. I gushed so hard that Gentleman Friend cupped it in his hands and spilled it down The Wifey’s back. No idea how he managed that, but she was absolutely dripping. I screamed, gripping the sheets and writhing.

The Wifey needed a break so Gentleman Friend cuddled with her, while I fucked the Dom. He put his hands around my throat and Gentleman Friend told him I like being choked hard, so he tightened his grip. Perfect. 

I came again, and then we all went and sat by the fireplace. I noticed that there were big windows looking out into the street and went and stood in one, naked. They teased me for being such an exhibitionist, then The Dom started to finger me and I came again. I almost slid down against his cock, which was hard again, until he said “Are you okay without protection?”

Shit. “No, no I am not. Nor am I sober,” I laughed.

Gentleman Friend went and grabbed us a condom cause he’s helpful like that, and I tried to get him in me again but no cigar. “I think I’m swollen shut,” I apologized.

“We’ll see about that,” he replied, taking me over to the bed. And he fucked me. He fucked me hard until I was a screaming, sobbing mess.

“How is she not dead?,” asked Wifey from across the room. I guess this was the first time that either of them had seen how long and hard I can go.

“You’re gonna sit on my face,” said the Dom. “And I’m gonna make you squirt.”

He ate me out and fingered me, and ordered the Wifey to come over and take care of his cock while I rode his face. I knew he wanted me to squirt but was honestly pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to again. . .and then he hit my g-spot, and I drowned him, just like he wanted.

Then I took a cold beer bottle and held it against my pussy, because I was so thoroughly fucked I couldn’t take anymore.

I made too much noise and I caused too many tremors. I woke the beast, and I can’t get it to go back to sleep.

 


Disconnected

I feel shitty and confused and weird and broken.

I don’t know what’s going on.

I met Dark Daddy. The lights were off when I got to his hotel room. He asked me to strip down to my undies and kneel in front of him on a pillow. I did as I was asked.

He told me what a good girl I’ve been, and how proud he is of the changes he’s seen in me–the development of self-control and patience. My newfound sense of self-discipline. The fact that I am beginning to see myself as more than just a sex object. He stroked my hair and my face and asked me to suck his cock.

It was really freaking big. I could only get about half of it in my mouth. He coached me a bit on deep-throating, until tears ran down my face. I love it when I get tears from giving head. It is so cathartic.

He told me to lay on the bed on my back, and then he gave me oral. He started by licking me all over, and then sucking my clit. I got loud and he told me to grab the pillow, which I used to cover my face as I screamed. When he added fingering me to the mix, I bucked and writhed. And then he put a finger in my ass and I came, really fucking hard.

He had told me he wanted to take my ass first, but when he felt how tight it was he changed his mind and decided he should fuck me first to help me open up a bit.

He fucked me doggy style, and I started coming after only a few thrusts. My pussy gripped him really, really hard, and I kept coming. He told me to do my kegels around his cock, and guided me through it.

“Grip…release. . .keep gripping…release.”

“I’m gonna come,” I whimpered.

“Not yet, you aren’t.”

I tried holding off by breathing evenly and relaxing my body, and soon he said I was allowed to come. It was a really intense orgasm…so hard it actually hurt. I sobbed and he stroked my back and told me to let it out.

Then he told me to move from where I was at the foot of the bed, and get on all fours with a pillow under me.

He lubed my asshole and his cock, and then slowly started to push into me. I groaned. He started fucking me faster and I moaned and told him it felt really fucking good.

“That’s just a few inches,” he said. “I’m giving you a chance to get used to me until I give you the whole thing.”

“God!”

“Are you ready?” he asked a few moments later.

“Yes, Sir.”

He rammed into me as far as he could go in one smooth motion, and I had another orgasm as he fucked my ass. He reminded me to use the pillow when he felt I was about to come, and I muffled my screams as best I could, even though I was pretty sure the entire floor could hear me.

We took a break and snuggled so I could catch my breath, and he asked me what I wanted more of.

“Whatever you want, Sir,” I answered.

“Okay, but I’m asking what you want,” he said.

“Everything.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “Then I’ll give you everything.”

And he did…until I gushed so hard he sent me to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

I begged for more and he gave me more, and then we cuddled and listened to music. I have to be honest and say that I kind of hate old school R&B. It is not for me. It made me cringe a bit.

Then he mentioned that he had to go to an event at a club he’d done the wiring for. I got a little frowny at this.

I know he’s here to work, and he needs to do what he needs to do, but I wasn’t thrilled that he hadn’t told me about this ahead of time. He’s a very flexible, non-stressing, go with the flow kind of person. . .which frankly scares me a bit. I don’t like it.

I need structure. I need to know what is happening and when. I need notice, and I need to know what to expect. When it comes to certain things I can play it by ear…but only if I am told in advance that I need to play it by ear, ha ha. Anyway, he gave me cab money, which I appreciated, and then said he needed to grab something to eat, and I was like “Seriously!? You’re not going to share your wings with me!?” But I didn’t say it out loud. Instead I gave him a huge bear hug. . .and he is as good at hugging as he is at sex. . .and then I got in my cab and left.

I thought sex would make me feel better, but I don’t feel better. WTF. I felt kind of disconnected and “off”. . .and the next day I felt pissy. . .and by yesterday I felt so bad that I decided I needed to talk to him about it.

I told him I need more time. I have no problem whatsoever with visits that are strictly for sex, but since it was our first meeting I felt like I needed more. We have talked about relationship stuff a lot, and I know he likes to go out on dates and do things that do not involve just being in the bedroom. But I’d told him I wanted to fuck him as soon as humanly possible, so he didn’t want to make me wait until the weekend when he was all moved in and didn’t have work stuff going on.

I understood. But I still felt shitty. An “I want to spend more time with you, I wish I could take you to dinner,” would have gone a long way.

And then I started to miss Sugar Daddy. And then I looked in my blocked messages folder and saw that he had texted me 7 times. And then I desperately wished he hadn’t been so awful to me so I could go back to him. Because he is a lying sack of shit, but when I was with him I felt like I was floating (although that could have been the alcohol), and I shared his taste in music, and he always let me know what to expect: Dinner, drinks, going out, staying in, what time I was to be there, what time I had to leave, etc. Of course, he also changed his mind about incredibly important things like not taking on other submissives, or my having priority in threesome situations, but hey, no one’s perfect.

I feel shitty. Shitty and weird and confused and lost and broken.  Perhaps I am overreacting, but I am allowed to be like this. This is how baby girls are. We need security. We need to feel safe. I am allowed to want it and I am allowed to ask for it. I am allowed to withdraw if I don’t get it.


I don’t know (Part II)

(I don’t Know Part I)

Jailbait came over on Friday. Daddy gave her a crash course in D/S, while I was at work. He sent me photos of her tied up, of her with her ass covered in welts, of him with his dick inside her. He sent me the text “Just de-virginized her ass.” I turned off my phone.

The next day when I made it over to join them, Daddy said he was surprised I hadn’t asked if I could come over the night before.

I mumbled something and tried to swallow my jealousy, but I was thinking: You didn’t invite me.

Okay, that isn’t exactly true. He DID ask me to spend the whole weekend. For reasons that will be explained in Part III I couldn’t. So I suppose he would have been fine with me coming over that evening and then going home, but it hadn’t occurred to me, and I still felt I hadn’t been asked.

When I arrived at the condo and texted Daddy to let me in, he responded with a picture of her tied up, blind-folded, gagged, and filled with toys. “This is what’s waiting for you.”

 

When I got inside he told me she was mine for the next half hour. I breathed “hey slut”, into her ear. I stroked her while she lay there with muffled moans coming from her throat. Her blonde hair was a mess and her size H boobs wiggled as she writhed. I licked her pussy and played with the toy that was in her ass. Eventually she wiggled out of the blindfold.

“Did I say you could take that off?” I asked.

“No,” she smiled. “But you are really fucking gorgeous.”

We kissed. I wrapped my tongue around hers. I spanked her and whipped her until she begged to be let out of the restraints.

“Please?” she said. “Let me lick your pussy.”

“Well…since you asked nicely.”

 

When we were done playing, Daddy said he was going to fuck me. “It’s too long since I’ve been in that pussy,” he said. He fucked me from behind while Jailbait used her dildo on herself, and eventually I took it and used it on her, playing with the settings. When she started to scream, Daddy said “Well, it looks like you found the right one!”

We fucked for a couple hours, taking turns with each other. Me attempting to dominate her, and her being a little smart-mouthed masochist trying to accrue more beatings.

Jailbait likes it rough. When I smacked her pussy she came in ways she never did when I was playing nice.

I was having a good time, even though she was an 18 year old brat who was clearly competing with me.

“I have an extremely tight pussy and ass!” she declared proudly.

I smirked at her as not one, but two condoms broke, one after the other, while Daddy was entering me because I was just that fucking tight.

“I’m wet all the time,” she bragged on the patio.

I opened my legs and Daddy commented that I am a slip and slide. Don’t fuck with me, princess. I will take you down.

Still, she was a young girl. I have shared my doms before and I have shared my boyfriend, and I never felt I was in competition, but she was still lacking the life experience to know that other women are not her enemy.

Daddy went to get us dinner, and Jailbait and I sat on the patio and talked. We traded rape stories like we were trading recipes. My heart went out to her and I just wanted to pat her head and feed her grapes.

When the conversation turned to Daddy, I said. “I love him.”

She talked about how much they’d fucked the previous day, and I resisted the urge to throw in my own stories about him taking me for hours and hours and hours.

She mentioned how much she loved older men, and I agreed.

“You’re adorable,” I said. “But if you call him Daddy, I will cut you.” She needed to know.

“I already did,” she replied flippantly. Now, I should have dragged her inside by her hair and beaten her until she promised never to do it again, but I didn’t. Instead I jokingly mentioned it to Daddy when he got back and said, “She called you Daddy? She’s not calling you that. She can call you Pops,” I smirked.

He looked sheepish. I could tell he knew it wasn’t okay that she’d said that, and that he should have put a stop to it before I had to.

“I guess she ran out of dom names.”

“Then I’ll get her a thesaurus.”

 

We ate, we talked, we drank, we fucked. Daddy whispered that he was so happy I was finally spending the night, and that he couldn’t wait until we got a chance to have a sleepover, just us. Maybe he meant it, but I felt like he was just trying to placate me.

 

While we were going at it as a group of three, Daddy’s dick somehow got bent in half. He was in serious pain and wound up curled up on the bed. Jailbait had been told that she was to sleep on the end, I would be in the middle, and Daddy would be beside me. Totally fair, I thought, since she’d got him all to herself the previous night, this was Daddy’s and my first night together, AND I was his baby girl. But Daddy passed out, and Jailbait curled right up beside him. I was on the other side of him, but I was still mighty pissed.

Daddy had promised to spoon and fuck me all night, and to take me out on the patio and fuck me out there, but I guess his sex injury made that impossible. Still, I was extremely upset as I lay there for hours, dripping and burning, with his one arm around me and the other around her.

I couldn’t sleep, so around 4 A.M. I got up and made a drink. As soon as I finished it, the tears started flowing and didn’t stop.

When Daddy finally woke up and realized his arm was around Jailbait and I was curled up on the end of the bed, he moved towards me and wrapped me in his arms.

“Are you crying?” he whispered.

I shook my head no.

“Why?” he asked.

I shook my head again, knowing that if I were to speak, I would begin to sob.

Because you didn’t fuck me all night. Because you dominated her the way you have never dominated me. Because you slept beside her when you said you were mine until morning. Because you let her call you Daddy and that word is mine!

Minutes later we were fucking. Daddy’s alarm clock went off in the middle of it, and when he got up to turn it off, Jailbait woke up. He climbed back into bed and said “Want me to finish you off, honey?”

Jailbait and I both said “Yes,” at the same time.

He turned to her. “We were fucking while you were asleep. I’m going to fuck her, and then you’re next.”

He moved me to the end of the bed and pounded me. I tried not to cry again.

After he’d fucked her, and we had breakfast, he fucked us both again.

While she was in the bathroom I asked if he’d fuck my ass before I had to go, if we had time. He said “I will try. I need to fuck her at least a couple more times since she came all the way from (insert city name here).”

“If you have time,” I said again.

He snuggled me and told me how happy he was to have woken up beside me that morning. “Even if you were upset,” he added.

“I’m fine.”

“I was happy you were there,” he whispered into my ear.

“I was happy too,” I lied.

When Jailbait returned, Daddy said to me “There’s only room in the shower for two, so either you can shower with Jailbait, or I can.”

I resisted the urge to stomp my foot. He’d promised me we’d shower together.

“You can,” I said instead.

“Are you sure? Because I’ve showered with her twice already, I don’t mind hanging out while you two shower. But either way we need to get in the shower soon because I need to take her to the greyhound.”

“I don’t care,” I said, in a tone that conveyed the very opposite.

He sighed and said, “Okay.”

 

Jailbait snuggled up to me while Daddy was in the other room. I ignored her until she moved away. I just couldn’t.

Daddy fucked my ass before I left, and then hers.

“I have to go,” I said. It was true. I was supposed to have left half an hour before, and he knew that.

“Okay,” he said, with his dick in her ass.

I got dressed slowly, and kissed him softly on the mouth, and then kissed Jailbait with tongue.

“Hey,” said Daddy. “I want a real kiss.”

I kissed him again and tried to mean it.

“I want another one,” he said, his dick still inside her.

I tried again.

Then I said my goodbyes, left the condo, and immediately burst into tears. I cried on the whole bus ride home. I cried in my apartment until my husband sent me to bed because I had cold sweats and was violently shaking. I woke up crying, and cried until my eyes were nearly swollen shut. I cried as my kids ran around the play area of McDonalds, I cried as I returned my Daddy’s text messages, and I cried until my husband had to fuck me just to make it stop.

Then I sent Daddy a photo of us fucking. Because payback’s a bitch.

(Stay tuned for part III)

 

 

 


Bad Girl (the deets)

(Bad Girl, The Prologue)

This past weekend Daddy set up a threesome for us. When we’d discussed it in the past, I told him I trusted him to pick out someone for us. When he showed me her picture, though, I have to admit I was turned off. She wasn’t my type at ALL, but Daddy thought she was yummy.

I didn’t know what the rules were. I kind of hinted at my hesitancy, but obviously wasn’t clear enough. I asked him about her personality–I thought I could tell what she’d be like from the photos she posted, but I was hoping I was wrong. When I hook up with someone from online, I don’t choose strictly on their looks. I pick someone who looks like my type of person (Daddy’s profile picture is a marathon photo, for instance), and if the person can banter, seems to be easy-going and like someone I think I’d enjoy hanging out with, then I move forward.

When I asked him about her messages though, he said she sounded “just fine.” Looking through some of her texts I had some misgivings, but I wasn’t sure how to broach it with him because he’d already made plans with her. I avoided commenting on her appearance (frankly, she looked over the top, loud and tacky), but gushed over the photos of another woman we are supposed to be hooking up with soon. I figured he’d pick up on the fact that I wasn’t so into this particular woman, but no dice.

 

The day before we were supposed to hook up I wasn’t feeling great. I texted Daddy that my stomach hurt, and he said that I needed to do whatever I could to feel better by Saturday because we are “meeting a new friend and need to make a good impression.” Right, then.

I was really nervous leading up to it, but was hoping that she would back out. Before she arrived at Daddy’s condo, he and I went out to dinner. He took me to this great restaurant that serves creole food and we had a really nice time. We talked a bit more about The Girlfriend and Yoga Girl, and all of our insecurities about the situation. I told him my fear that The Girlfriend may want me to be strictly for sex, and that she may not want him to care for me. He said that wasn’t up to her–she has to deal with the fact that he cares about me, and she has to deal with the fact that she cares about Yoga Girl, and if she doesn’t like it then obviously the two of them “are not forever.”

He took me home and we opened a bottle of wine while we waited for the other woman. We didn’t have sex because he wanted to make sure we were both horny as hell when she got there. I crossed my fingers that she would flake, but despite being late, she did show up.

 

She was even less my type in person than in her pictures. I tried not to let it show but I definitely would have never considered being with her in any other situation–you know when you’re not just not attracted, you’re actually UN-attracted? Yeah, that’s where I was.

So to force myself to be okay with the situation, I just kept drinking.

It was a bad situation all around.

We started fooling around on the couch, and eventually the three of us moved it to the bedroom. I licked her pussy and she licked mine. I licked and fingered her until she had a screaming orgasm, and then Daddy fucked me, and then fucked her from behind while she moaned and gasped and came again. After a long while he told her that he was not even close to coming, so she breathlessly asked if they could take a break.

She asked me if I had a cigarette, which I did. Daddy has me down to two a day and I’d already had my allotment for the day, but he allowed me to have another one with her out on the patio. Then I got on my knees outside and blew him. Blurred Lines came on the stereo and I started dancing with his cock still in my mouth, and then said “Wait, what happened, it’s over?” when the song ended. She burst out laughing and then I started giggling and then Daddy said if I was going to be laughing then that was the end of the blow job.

We went back inside and I pounded another glass of wine without permission.

Daddy was not impressed.

The other girl gave Daddy a blowjob of her own (a very impressive looking one, I might add!), while I got on my knees behind him and rimmed him.

“That’s a surprising development,” he said. He had asked me before whether I do that, but I’d told him it was a soft limit. Apparently all the alcohol did the trick because I did it with no issue and actually kind of liked it.

Annnd, everything after that is a blur.

 

Apparently there was more drinking of contraband wine, more smuggling of un-authorized cigarettes, much drunken stumbling about and many instances of disobedience and rudeness.

I told Daddy I loved him a bunch of times, even though I had promised myself I would wait to say it. At least he said it back.

I told him I wasn’t being loud, and then proceeded to scream, on purpose.

I bit Daddy’s ass hard–he later told me I was lucky he hadn’t responded by yanking me up by my hair and slapping me.

I wandered out onto the patio and tried to curl up and go to sleep under a towel.

I was so hammered that after the other girl left, Daddy put me to bed and set the alarm for two hours later. He said I was in no condition to get into a cab until I’d had some sleep. When he woke me up, I was still totally drunk, but in slightly better condition. He put me in a cab as I apologized profusely, and he just kept saying we’d talk about it in the morning.

He told me to text him when I got home safely, and by some miracle I managed to do that. He responded with “Sleep well, Baby Doll.” Swoon.

 

The next day we had a confusing and heated discussion via text.

He said I had acted like a drunken teenager.

I told him I only did that because he made it clear I was to fully participate and it was the only way I could make myself fuck someone I wasn’t remotely attracted to.

He said he’d had no idea I wasn’t attracted to her.

I asked him what he would like me to do next time instead, and he said “Not get hammered and act out? I expect better from you.”

I felt bereft. I felt sick all day and cried on and off. I went back and forth between being upset that I’d embarrassed and disappointed him, and feeling enraged that I’d been put in this situation in the first place. I texted him later and asked when he could talk. He said the next day (today). We squabbled a bit more and then, realizing that this conversation needed to be had in person in order for it to be at all productive, decided to leave it.

Tonight after work I went to Daddy’s condo. I was late because we were short staffed so I had to close. I texted Daddy that I would be there as soon as I could, and he responded with “sigh.”

I felt so nervous waiting for him to come to the door and let me in. I couldn’t look him in the eye and followed him back to his unit like a chastised puppy trailing behind its master.

Daddy shook his head. “Well, while we have this conversation you might as well be naked,” he said.

I obediently undressed and stood in the living room with my hands behind my back–a modified version of the submissive position.

“Bad Girl” by Madonna was playing. Despite my genuine heart-sickness over being in so much trouble, I had to stifle a giggle. It was clearly atmospheric. He made me stand there and listen to the entire song while he moved around in the kitchen.

When he came out he handed me a glass. I expected it to be just straight Coke–a message of some sort about how my drinking days were over–but to my surprise it had rum in it.

Daddy sat on the couch and I continued to stand. I held my drink in my hand and kept the other behind my back.

I stood there naked while he detailed my transgressions from Saturday night.

“It will never happen again,” he said when he was done. “What do you think is going to happen if you ever behave that way again?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t speak.

“You probably don’t want to know what is going to happen.”

“No, Sir, I don’t,” he said, but the message was crystal clear–I would lose him.

“Now,” he said. “You are not obligated to sleep with anyone if you don’t want to. Ideally, you would have told me you weren’t into her when I showed you her photo so I could have cancelled.”

“I tried to tell you Sir, but you made it clear I was expected to go through with it.”

“You didn’t tell me you weren’t into her–you just said you were nervous. You need to be more clear about that. Next time you choose the girl.”

“But what if we like their picture but we meet up and I can’t stand them?” I asked.

“Then we need a signal–say you have cramps or something.”

“Okay, Sir.”

“Well,” he said. “At least there were a couple of good things to come out of Saturday night. One, we know you lick ass.”

I smirked.

“Two, it was very nice getting to cuddle with you for a couple of hours while you were passed out snoring like an asthmatic old man.”

I smiled.

 


Wrong

The first thought I had when he kissed me was “WRONG. This is wrong.”

Logically speaking I know it’s fine for me to have sex with whoever I want to, but every so often slut-shaming and mono-normative thoughts creep into my head and it’s hard to shake them.

He led me inside and told me I needed to be wearing much less clothing, and the teenager inside me who was told she’d be forever sullied if she had sex with someone who was not her husband, quavered.

He started off by having me suck his cock, which didn’t help.

Dirty. 

What would people say?

You shouldn’t be doing this.

Shut up, all of you. 

We went into the bedroom where he immediately bent me over the bed. I was still swollen from the night before, so much so that despite being wet, he had a hard time entering me.

“I’m beginning to think you can’t handle me two nights in a row,” he said. “You’re so swollen its like fucking an 18 year old.”

Inside, I am still an 18 year old. Just now experimenting with my sexuality, because back then I was too scared and repressed to do so.

It hurt. I grit my teeth as he slammed into me. Told myself to relax like I do at the beginning of anal. Breathed. Whimpered. And eventually came.

It stopped hurting. I came again. I came so hard and got so tight that I pulled the condom right off him–he had to stop and put on another.

I came the way you should only be able to come from tantric sex–continually. I came for 20 minutes straight. As soon as one orgasm ended another began. I rose and crashed, whimpering, moaning, screaming and panting. Eventually, he came too, with me still in the middle of an endless orgasm.

He told me to get up on the bed for a cuddle but I could barely move. He kissed my neck and growled in my ear, sending more shivers of pleasure through me.

I am allowed.

I am allowed to feel this.

I am allowed to use my body in whatever way feels good.

I am allowed to orgasm, I am allowed to cuddle, I am allowed to suck cock, and I am allowed to do it with whoever I want as long as they want it, too.

My body, my life, my pleasure, my choice.

The only one who has to live with it is me.

 

 


A Kid in a Toy Store

Daddy took me toy shopping today.

We met at his place, fucked for an hour, then set off for the sex shop.

He’d worked all weekend out of town, and then spent last night at an orgy where he nailed 6 women total. He drove home this morning at 5 AM and took a nap before our play date.

“If it wasn’t you, I’d have canceled,” he said. “I am bagged.”

I was flattered. I told him we didn’t have to play if he was too tired, but he said “Even with all the women I fucked last night, I was still missing you.”

Sweet talk? Most definitely. Still, it’s nice to hear.

I was shocked at how long he lasted considering his exhaustion. We cuddled for a few minutes afterwards, and then drove to the sex shop which was located in a nearby mall. We walked in holding hands, poly out and proud, and he bought me a cookie from a gourmet cookie shop.

When we got to the sex store, the hot shop girl came over and asked if we needed help picking anything out. She recommended her favourite anal plugs from personal experience, anal lube and relaxing anal spray that instantly makes your body loosen up as though you’ve had three glasses of wine.

We also picked out a ball gag and a vibrating dildo, and then Daddy paid for my new toys and said “$200 well spent!”

“Thank you Daddy,” I giggled.

When we got back to the car he told me to put in the small ass plug. “We need to get you warmed up so I don’t hurt you with my cock when I finally fuck your ass.”

I smiled, took a deep breath, and after cleaning it and applying some lube, slid it in without too much resistance.

“How does it feel?” he asked.

“Interesting,” I replied with a dirty smirk.

We decided to grab dinner on the way back to his place, and he fingered me in the car all the way to the drive-through and then home.

He turned on porn and poured me a drink while we ate, then made me clean my new vibrator and slid it inside me.The pressure was crazy combined with the anal plug.  I sat beside him, squirming and gasping while he finished his food.

“Ready for my cock?” he asked.

He turned off the vibe, left in the plug, and led me to his room. After 10 seconds in my mouth he was rock hard and fucking me. I squirted over and over again and got spanked when I screamed too loud. The ball gag would have come in handy, but we didn’t feel like wasting time cleaning it!

After another hour long fuck, we cuddled on the bed. We talked, the way you talk when you’ve just met someone and you envision things working out, whether they are actually likely to or not. We talked about concerts he wanted to take me to, restaurants we wanted to try, weekend trips to the mountains, me using his condo as a quiet place to rest after my tubal surgery.

I am not the only woman in his life, and I like that. My previous Sir dated me for 5 months then dumped me when he realized he would never be the main person in my life. Daddy is actually poly, for real. He has a long-distance girlfriend that he sees once a month (they lived in the same city until a year and a half ago and have maintained their relationship since he moved), and another married woman with whom he has a friends with benefits relationship. He has been with his girlfriend for four years, his lover for two, and has actually managed to sustain these relationships. His track record is much better than mine.

He told me today that now that I am his baby girl, he needs to “declare” me to the others–yay for everyone being on board!  I’m not sure if/when I’ll meet his fwb, but his girlfriend is coming in a few weeks and he wants us to all go out for dinner and drinks together and maybe to a sex club.

When it was time for me to go, he packed up my toys and sent them home with me. “Now you have something to play with when I’m not around.”

He texted me tonight to let me know he changed his profiles on Alt and AFF to indicate that he has a Baby Girl and is now only looking for people who might want to join us. Then he asked me to change my profile on AFF to indicate that condom use is non-negotiable. Cue huge sigh of relief.

We are going out again on Friday. We’ve tossed around the idea of a sex club, a strip club, or a date night with dinner, dancing and fucking.

All is well…for now.